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The Internal Battle Of Borrowing

If you have a vagina, you have probably at one point in your life experienced the joy and drama of borrowing clothes from your friends. The amazing part of the lending process is when you are on the receiving end. The more challenging portion of the exchange is when you are on the giving end, because the second your friend puts on your clothes you immediately want them back.

It is such a classic case of you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. Just the fact that someone is interested in something on the bottom of your closet floor makes it more appealing. Yet if you have already borrowed stuff from your friend, you can’t be a dick and say “Ummm actually no you can’t have that – because now I want it just because you wanted it so… sorry.” You have to suck it up and let them wear what you are now totally seduced by.

Despite the internal chaos of the borrowing practice, it is part of the intimacy of female relationships. Now that The Munch is 4 and has a best friend, she has been initiated into this ritual. Munch and her best friend both really like princess dresses and princess gear. Hazel has very kindly let Munch borrow quite a few princess dresses, so in exchange Munch let Hazel borrow her coveted Cinderella glass slipper high heel shoes.

Yet once Munch got home, the reality of not having her favorite shoes dawned on her. Suddenly the sorrow of loss overtook her tiny body, and she began to weep the tears of a broken doll. As much as I felt the anguish of her loss, she also had to learn that it is all part of the borrowing ceremony.

Here we are talking about the tragedy of wanting to borrow stuff, but regretting lending the things you love.

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2 Responses to The Internal Battle Of Borrowing

  1. olgadavidson says:

    Maybe just leave it at sharing. Personally, the borowing for the sake of borrowing is silly because the borrowed item is going to end up destroyed. When you borrow something from someone else, you should be very grateful and treat it really well, return it in the same condition of better. That is teaching respect for someone else’s property. If you need to borrow the same item constantly, then don’t be an asshole and get your own. Sharing is equal ownership and equal responsibility and it is an agreement (Sally and I share the little boathouse), trading is swapping equal value-cash for princess dress, old princess dress for old princess dress etc. Then there is the gift, which can get complicated. This new princess dress is really itchy and does not suit me. Would you like it? I see you really like my princess shoes. I will give them to you because I see it makes you happy. This makes the recipient obligated to you which can be a good thing. Beyond gratitude, she can return the favor with extra kindness and protection, do you an enormous favor in the future etc. and if she doesn’t, then she is an asshole and you would be a fool to continue giving her gifts. I have written on gift-giving and hostage-taking.

  2. olgadavidson says:

    I need to add that if a gift is given because you truly don’t want it (itchy princess dress), then the recipient is not under any obligation because she is, in essence, doing you a favor by taking dress off your hands. She can be grateful that she has a friend who keeps getting the wrong princess dress and can’t be bothered to return it and hope that trait continues.

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