So the other day I went to the organic grocery store to spend $100 dollars on a bag of kale chips and some juice. As I was looking around wondering what gluten actually is, and if I should maybe order a gluten sandwich on gluten-free bread, a woman came over to look at the baby and bark questions at me.
“How old is your baby?”
“Oh, let me think…. about….”
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Ummmm it is a girl…”
“Looks like a boy.”
Now, there are a lot of comebacks for a comment like that. For example, “You look like a boy,” or “If I wanted your opinion I would give it to you.” But I am not that witty or clever in person, so instead I just smiled awkwardly and picked up a chocolate bar hoping someone would notice the high level of cacao I would be ingesting.
But my question is, why do people feel the compulsion to tell you what they think, even when you are not asking for their opinion? Sure, maybe The Munch looks like a lesbian with her haircut and all, but I wasn’t asking for a critique on my baby’s look. It is like some people just have diarrhea of the consciousness and need to tell you everything they think regardless of how it might make you feel.
It reminds me of being a kid and some other little jerk kid would make a comment on your appearance. Not an astute observation mind you, but something obvious, like “you have a puss filled boil on your face.” Yeah, okay, fine, do you think I didn’t notice that? Or “you have armpit stains.” Great… are you going to drink from the fountain of my pit sweat? What is the point of you telling me this? I was actually doing fine ignoring these embarrassing things and pretending everyone else was too.
I am all for honesty when it comes to intimate relationships, as the truth facilitates depth, but that doesn’t mean I need to know everything you think. If we had x-ray glasses for the mind, no one would have any friends. So next time you think something negative about me, be a dear and say it behind my back.
Munch: “She said what??”