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WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIKING?

When I go hiking, my objective is to get to the end of the trail. I am NOT the type of person who can trek half way up a mountain, and then turn around. No fucking way. If I start walking up a goddamn hill, you bet your sweet ass I am going to get to the top!

I am definitely not one to dilly dally, dawdle, or meander. I wouldn’t dream of straying from the trail. I look straight ahead and propel my body forward. I don’t take breaks. EVER! I barely stop for water, and certainly wouldn’t dream of eating – that would slow me down! I’ve got places to go!!

So can you imagine my horror when I realized that I have given birth to the type of hiker who wants to linger and explore!?

This was my experience hiking with The Munch.

.1 miles in: “Mom! Lets go check out these rocks over there!” (She jumps over rocks for 10 minutes).

We get back on the path and walk 25 feet. “Hey, look at this right here. These rocks! Let’s go check them out!” (She plays on rocks for another 5 minutes.)

“Mom, I am hungry! Let’s have snack!” (She eats a bar).

We walk 100 feet farther down the path: “MOM!! Check out these rocks! Let’s go over here! Aren’t these so cool!?” (More rock playing).

We get back on the path. “Mom. I’m hungry again. Can I have my seaweed chips?”

She walks WITH her seaweed chips for .2 miles.

“Mom, let’s take a little rest. Can I have some of my sammich?”

She eats half, of a half, of her sammich.

Back on the path for 20 feet.

“Mom, can I have the other half, of that half, of my sammich.”

She stops, finishes that half, and we walk 80 feet.

“Mom, can I have some water?”

She drinks water, we walk .2 miles.

“Mom!! Check out this hill! Can I go up it?”

I remind her that the hill is NOT on the path, and we should continue on the path.

“Ummm I think I’m going to go up and down this hill a few times. Will you come with me? PLEASE!?”

I again remind her that said hill is NOT the path.

“COME ON MOM! PLEASE!”

We go up and down the hill a few times.

“Can I have the other half of my sammich?”

She eats her sammich.

This was my experience for the ENTIRE 3 MILE HIKE!! And get this. SHE DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT GETTING TO THE END OF THE TRAIL! She just wanted to enjoy nature, look around, take breaks, eat snacks, and investigate the terrain. I guess where I am more “goal oriented,” The Munch is more “process oriented.”

OF COURSE THE UNIVERSE GAVE ME A CHILD WHO APPRECIATES THE JOURNEY NOT THE OUTCOME – TO TORTURE ME!

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