There is a saying that goes “those that are hardest to love, need it the most.” Although intellectually I think this is quite a profound statement, I am beginning to suspect that the person who coined this wisdom is a real asshole. Because you want to know what is really hard?? Showing someone love who is acting like a total dick.
If you really need love so badly, why not act lovable? Or be endearing? Or give me cupcakes? (*But make them gluten free and sweeten only with maple syrup… thanks). You know… do things that will make me love you. Why behave like a fart-face and arrogantly believe that should inspire people to see through your façade and show you love?
Okay, I get that as humans we must show each other empathy, see past the social construct of identity, and realize we are all just broken children hiding in the shell of an adult body. But I am a little over this rational that what someone is portraying to the world is exactly the opposite of how they feel, and we should all be like Nancy Drew and figure it the fuck out.
Lets say you have a friend who is really cocky and conceited and you are all “Hey don’t you think Joey is really full of himself and should simmer the fuck down?” and then someone else is all “Well, Joey is actually really insecure and he just does that to over compensate” and then you are all “Yeah I get that, but does Joey have to be such a cock?” and then they are all “You just need to be sensitive to where he is coming from” And then you are all “I guess…” but secretly in your mind you are like “Joey can eat my ass, that little prick.”
I know that being ourselves is probably the scariest thing we can do in life, but I also think it is our own responsibility to be aware of the emotions we are eliciting from others. We all have the capacity to terrorize and manipulate each other, and I think one of the most meaningful challenges is rather than trying to con someone into treating you the way you want, being direct and asking for it.
The more open we are to expressing what we want and need from people, the more aware we will be of what it is that we really desire in life.
I am trying to teach this lesson to The Munch, because she is still sick, and I am getting to the point where my empathetic capacity has been so abused it is just shaking in the corner crying, head buried in knees, and whispering in tongues. I feel like even writing this, I am reporting from the post-apocalyptic rubble of eternal misery.
“Captain’s Log number 17869: It has been 6 days of the Munch being sick. The sound of birds has completely disappeared, and there is a black fog that covers not only the land, but also my soul. I have been subsisting on minimal substance as The Munchee Overlord is holding me hostage. She may be small and young, but her powers of annoyingness are like nothing I have ever seen. I am afraid… so very afraid. I keep looking for signs of a helicopter, a plane, anything to save me from this tyranny. Is there any hope? I think I am bleeding from my eyes, mouth, and anus.”
Okay, I get that she feels like crap. I am sensitive to her wet, hacking, retching, violent cough that keeps her awake through the night. But let me just give you a little taste of what this has been like.
“Mamma NO! No singing!!! I don’t want you to sing. WAHHHAAAHHH. I need a Vitamin C. NOOOO not that Vitamin C. The other one. THE BIG ONE. WAHHHHAAAAHHHHHHH!! I wanna watch Mikey Mouse on the Ipad. No on the computer. NO I want to watch it on the Ipod. No on your Iphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHAHHHAAAA! Don’t look at me! My nose itches. It is all pink. MY NOSE IS PINK…WAHHHAHHHHAHAHAHHHHAAAA!!!! I wanna sit on your lap. No don’t get up. I want to be with you!!!!!!!! DON’T GET WATER NOOOOOOO!!!! You are not thirsty!!”
And all this is in this high-pitched whiney tone. Her energy is so negative it is sucking my will to live. I know it is hard to be in a good mood when you are sick, but The Munch is taking things to a whole new level.
I know this is when she needs love and comfort the most… but this kid is not making it easy.
