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The Fart Book

My sister in law gave me a fart book. I know what you are thinking. You have a sister in law? Oh… sorry… What is a fart book? Right. Well, it is a book not only describing the different varieties of flatulence, but also has sound effects so as to experience the auditory assault. Part of me kind of wishes it was scratch and sniff.

Needless to say, it is of course The Munch’s favorite book. She spends a good portion of each day pressing the fart noise buttons creating the soundtrack of my life; different remixes of “the exploder”, “the flight of the buttock bees,” “the aftershock,” “the seismic blast,” and “the poof.”

Usually anything that entertains her I am okay with her doing, so I am a big fan of the fart book. Except when I am on the phone. She will come real close, like a ninja without me noticing, and press the fart button. The sound is unmistakably a fart, and no matter who is on the other end of the call, they never believe it is coming from a fart book. Who in the world has a fart book? So now all my friends, the AT&T operator, the lady trying to get census information, and my uncle all think I have a seriously disturbed digestive system. I am probably going to start spending a lot more time alone now…

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