If there was any justice in the world you wouldn’t be expected dress your baby in clothes, but instead lube them up and shove their pudgy little bodies into a latex suit that has the capacity to stretch 4 times its assumed size. Baby clothes are a racket. For one, your kid will stain whatever you put them in within milliseconds, and for two they will out grow their clothes before you cut the tags off.

Despite the total uselessness in buying clothes for your baby that aren’t two sizes too big and tie dyed brown, orange, and yellow to hide the food remnants, drool and snot, it is still a $9.7 billion industry that is barely effected by the recession. I am sure that is partly due to the fact that you have to keep buying the next size up for your ever growing child because letting them smoke and drink coffee to stunt their growth is generally looked down upon, but I also think there is a psychological underpinning to baby fashion. What your baby wears reflects back to not only what kind of parent you are, but what type of person as well.

Hipster mommies must dress their baby’s in skinny jeans and hoodies over an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Preppy mommies got to make sure their baby’s in khaki’s and popped collar polos. Rich mommies need the Pucci pants with a Roberto Cavalli onsie on their mini me-s in the making. If you are a slutty mommy your baby has a lower back tattoo and thong diaper.

Baby fashion pokes at our self-esteem and makes us want to dress our baby as an accessory to our egos. Sometimes I feel like I will come off as more enviable if my child is in an adorable outfit worthy of Star’s “best dressed tots” list. Dressing The Munch is more important than dressing myself because even if I look like a total mess, everyone will think that at least my baby has her shit together.

I prefer my baby to match her Laura Ashley surroundings

Hipster Baby! (notice the Life and Style magazine in the background she has been studying)