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Tales of The Munch and The Ipad

Ipads are like a mommy’s little miracle.  I give it to The Munch and poof… instantaneous relief from her constant yapping.  Maybe that doesn’t make me look very good, but you don’t look that great in yellow so whatever.

As it stands right now I only let The Munch play with the Ipad in long car rides… because otherwise I am using it so hands off kid.  But she does have control issues (which I really don’t understand where she gets that from – hey don’t read this blog with your voice in your head, use my voice in your head, it sounds better), so of course Munch insists on holding the Ipad. And like the little post-modern toddler that she is, she totally knows how to use it.

However, there are times when The Munch is trying to find a specific video that is not on the history list.  Then she starts insisting that I find the exact video she wants while I am driving.  Me going through Youtube while driving is of course insanely dangerous, so most of the time I refuse, and explain she has to find her dumb Elmo video by herself.

“No you find it Mamma… I want to see Elmo talking outside!”

“Munch I have no idea what you are referring to… Just watch another video.”

“No Mamma, you find it.”

And with that, she threw the Ipad.  Ummmm… this was NOT okay… So I grabbed it off the floor of the car and put it in the drivers seat next to me.  And there it sat, like its own little person.  I love you Ipad.

“Mamma I want the Ipad!!”

“No Munch you threw it.  You know you are not allowed to throw things.  Especially the precious Ipad.”

“But Mamma I want it, I want to see Elmo.”

“No Munch, you have to think about what you did and learn never to throw the Ipad again.”

About a half an hour passed with her listening to Ring Around The Goddamn Rosie on repeat, then she asked for the Ipad back.  I figured she had thought long enough about how to treat this important member of our family, so I gave it back to her.

“Munch, now respect the Ipad.  No throwing.”

“Okay Mamma.”

She watched some Mickey Mouse clips and somehow got into a video about a talking orange, but all was peaceful.  Until she got frustrated again because she couldn’t find the video of that fucktard Elmo singing that she wanted.  Then came the horrific thunking sound of her throwing the Ipad!

“Munch! What is wrong with you? I told you not to throw the Ipad!”


“Well Munch did you throw it or did you drop it on accident.”


“Munch, didn’t Mamma tell you not to throw the Ipad?”


I figured she had to cry it out because that is what babies do.  They cry because they feel; because she was sincerely dealing with the loss and burden of disappointment.  I knew her tears were genuine because she is just a child who has no choice but to express her emotions in an authentic way.

But I still wasn’t going to give her the Ipad because fuck her.

“Munch, crying about it isn’t going to make me give you the Ipad back.”

“Oh.  Can I have a tissue then please Mamma?”

What a little shit.

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4 Responses to Tales of The Munch and The Ipad

  1. holly says:

    This is one of your funniest!

  2. Natalie says:

    fucktard is way harsh.
    I love that I can now TRULY picture this entire scenario.

  3. Vanessa says:

    This was great! One of the funniest. =)

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