Half the fun of making out with someone is talking about it to your friends after. Of course the actual act of living out your lust is exciting – but the retelling of the experience is part of the exhilaration. By telling your story, you get to relive it again and again. Just so you know guys, your girlfriend’s friends know all about that freckle on your left testicle and that cool trick you do with elbow pad.

Life is ethereal and gone in an instant. The second you have a great memory it’s already fallen into the past. A moment of pure bliss has disappeared just as soon as it happened. That is the nature of time. We can’t hold onto existence, because it just keeps slipping through our fingers. The only way to keep a moment is commit it to memory, and tell other people about it.

That’s why humans are born storytellers. It is our way of rewinding time and reliving the parts we can’t let go of. Narrative is how we contextualize who we are, and what we have gone through.

When you haven’t seen someone in a long time, it’s the perfect opportunity to tell them all the stories they have missed. When your life is going well, it is super fun to catch up with people. You enjoy sharing the chronicle because it makes you feel good to remember all things you are happy about!

But what happens when you aren’t that psyched about your life?!!

The holiday season is coming up. There are going to be a lot of social gatherings with family, friends, people I pretend to like… and they are all going to want to know how I am. But here is the thing… I don’t feel like I am in the best “update” place.

For example I went to a party the other day, and a friend I hadn’t seen in years asked how I was. I am not sure they were emotionally prepared for my answer.

Toni: Kind of terrible. Things have been super stressful in every aspect of my life. It’s like nothing is going the way I expect it to, and all my efforts are futile. I kinda just feel like giving up and…. Hey… where are you going!?

I hope something fucking epic happens soon so I am in a better update place and don’t socially alienate myself at cocktail parties.

Like I could win an Emmy or something…