I have nothing against drugs. I just don’t do them…. Anymore. I used to do them. There were some fun times, some not so fun times, and some times where I woke up with my hair caked to my face with vomit and bleeding out of new orifices. But I stopped using all substances after I did this 10- day silent meditation retreat. I felt like I had re-wired my brain after all that silence and meditating. I didn’t know how my new mind would react to mind altering substances.
I also took a vow at the end of the retreat. We made these promises of how we would behave- no lying, no sexual misconduct, no stealing, no harming others, and no addictive substances. That was over 4 ½ years ago!! That is a long time to be unsoiled by any foreign influences! The closest I have come to being high since I turned 29 is eating too much birthday cake!
But lately I have been feeling uninspired. Sluggish. Muddy in the head, and poopie in the brain. My brother suggested that I start my day with a cup of coffee, and to use it as a drug to channel all that energy into my writing and productivity. He convinced me that if I honored caffeine as a tool / medicine and was intentional with my usage, that it would help me fart out more material. Of course he was jacked up on coffee at the time and was a very convincing orator. (Might I add here that he also made said coffee with lake water, so that is the type of person my brother is).
I was a little tentative of drinking a cup of actual coffee, so instead I had juice that has some caffeine in it. The bottle read “35 mg per serving (like a cup of green tea).” Of course I drank the entire thing in under 2 minutes from the sheer anticipation of it. And then I waited.
You see, my body is a fucking pristine temple right now, a pure package, so the introduction of new species like caffeine pretty much blew my mind in half. I know you might think I am being dramatic, but after a few moments I literally felt like I snorted a line of cocaine. I started typing furiously, going to the bathroom an absurd amount of times, refusing to eat, avoiding all human contact, and desperately searching for black material to block out any site of the sun coming in from those evil windows. I was itchy, agitated, and I wanted to pick fights and start a band. After that manic period I finally experienced the harsh come down, and was shaking in a corner curled in a fetal position humming show tunes.
It was pretty awesome. I think I am going to try again tomorrow.