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You Better Be Looking Hot, Baby

There is a $170,000,000,000 industry that women all over the world contribute to.  Can you guess what it is?  Ending world hunger? Stopping sex trafficking? Saving orphans? No silly! IT’S BEAUTY BITCHES!

In the US alone over $50 billion is spent every year on beauty products.  The average woman uses 12 products a day, which is exposing her to over 160 different chemicals.  Chemicals that cause mice to go blind, produce cancer in rats, gives you lead poisoning, and make rabbits look really funny in lipstick.

According to this chick, Stacy Malkan, cofounder of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics and author of Not Just a Pretty Face: The Ugly Side of the Beauty Industry “Most of these chemicals have never been assessed for safety. There are no requirements for cosmetic companies to assess the chemicals in their products for safety.”  AND… until more laws are passed companies can use words like “natural” and “organic” and still create products that are anything but. “There are no legal standards for the use of such words on cosmetics.  There are no laws to prevent it and the FDA has no authority to prevent it.”


So as we all know, society thinks old woman are yucky, and ugly women are just the worst.  Soooo to look less old and ugly, paint your face with toxic chemicals.  That will do the trick.

And you want to know something really funny? Most of these products are all the same ingredients anyway.  So they cost $2 to make, and then if you are a French company with a fancy sounding brand, you can sell it for $200 and people will still buy it.  Just because of some sexy packaging and marketing strategies that European women have skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom.   Well, obviously the French have never seen diaper rash because that shit is a mess.

That is why I am a Doctor Bronner’s kind of gal.  It is hard for me to believe that you need special face soap, then body soap, hand soap, shampoo…  Aren’t they all just shit that bubbles and makes you feel clean?  So picture me in the shower.  I know.  Pretty awesome.  I can put Doctor Bronner’s on my head, then on my face, then on my body, then brush me teeth with it, and the then do the dishes that I brought in there with me. Because it works for everything!

Okay, so why am I even caring about all this?  If ladies want to spend their money on making themselves feel beautiful who am I to judge right?  Well…. I was recently alerted to this blog post that goes through all these toys for toddlers to get baby girls ready to become part of this booming industry.

There are countless toys on the market to teach babies to beautify, preparing girls for a lifetime of preening.  Okay, so this is obviously totally baked and fucked up.  Even if you are an avid make up user, you can probably see the moral complexity of these types of toys.  Baby make up, baby nail polish, baby beautician outfits, baby vanity mirrors, baby thongs…(just kidding on the last one, but I am working on a prototype).

But here is the problem.  I can absolutely see how girls would love to play with this stuff, especially if that is what they see mommy doing.  The Munch once saw me putting on chapstick and thought it was fascinating.  Now every time she sees it she wants to put it on.  I distinctly remember watching my mother put on blush, so every day before the 5th grade I would go the bathroom, purse my cheeks, and do the same.  As little girls we idolize our mothers, and things mommy is interested in has a seductive quality.  Point is, our daughters are observing us much more than we maybe realize.

And here I am living in the country, feeling depressed that I wear fleece sweatpants on a daily basis and haven’t worn mascara since the Bush era, except if you count on my bush.  Yet I am probably being a great influence on The Munch.  She may not know how hot I can look with a bunch of makeup on my face, but she isn’t obsessing over beauty yet either.

8 Responses to You Better Be Looking Hot, Baby

  1. wanderlust says:

    so happy I almost never wear makeup

  2. holly says:

    I well I remember you with my blush. You were such an expert at it in 5th grade. I think we should get into putting turmeric on our faces. I know a million recipes.

  3. Miriam Katz says:

    I’m not too worried about Munch considering when I asked her to mug and “look cute” she did her very best impression of a pirate.

  4. Rose says:

    toni, i agree with your main point. i just wanted to point out though that, while doctor bronner’s is really awesome and totally pure, it’s not great to use on your face b/c facial tissue is too delicate. my mom saw a study years ago that showed that using regular soap on your face makes your skin age faster. so, i suggest trying MyChelle brand cleanser. they’re like the MOST pure ingredients, that shit works, and it’s from Boulder, which makes me happy 😉

  5. Rose says:

    p.s. MyChelle also has all kinds of groovy herbs and angel tears and shit in there and i believe it’s harvested by barefoot virgins who have never cut their hair. could be wrong about that last part, but it’s something like that 😉

  6. tonibologna says:

    OMG Rose right on!!! i was recently told that my forehead has lines in it!! Fuck!! Maybe I disagree with everything I wrote! I am for sure getting some of that soap! thank you!

  7. holly says:

    Take care of your skin and avoid the sun on your face. Get MyChelle and whatever else and wear a hat with a brim when outdoors as well as sun glasses. I have lovely skin and no wrinkles because I do that. Don’t wash your face with any old soap. No! No! No! Thank you Rose. Who listens to their mother!

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