When you are tired, are you in a good mood? Neither is my baby. Being around a tired cranky baby is about as fun as hanging out with drunk college girl, and the only relief is for them to pass out. That is why once she is asleep, I will literally do anything… and I mean ANYTHING not to wake her up.

Example 1: She was on my lap, and I had cradled her to sleep. The problem was every time I tried to put her down, she instantly woke up and started grunting. I picked her back up faster than a trophy wife does bon bons. Great. I had to pee. Let me paint a picture of what I did without going into too much detail making this awkward… but the contortions my body had to go through to pee in the sink without waking her would make Cirque du Soleil blush.

Example 2: I get in the car to drive from Boston to New Hampsha. I had a cup of water and a smothie for breakfast. Why I chose to drink my meal before a two-hour car trip I will never know, but that was the unfortunate decision I made. The Munch falls asleep. I have to pee. Bad. If I take her out of the car to go into a Dunkin Doughnuts, she will wake up. “If I leave her in the car and lock the door, child protective services will come after me. If I could only pop a squat in this persons lawn…. Whoops, someone is in the living room. Perhaps if I peed in one of her diapers? Great they are in the way back and I can’t reach them.” These were my thoughts for the entire duration of the ride until she finally decided to wake up 2 minutes from home. Nice nap for her, the makings of a bladder infection for me.