In order to tell if something is dirty, I usually put my nose right up close to the potentially offending object, and take a deep inhale. Why do I do this? Why not a soft little sniff like a bunny? I know there is a great possibility that I might dry heave from the intensity. Yet I do it anyway. It is a lesson I cannot seem to learn.

For instance, I know my armpits might be quite putrid because I don’t wear deodorant and carry around a mini tyrant all day, but I take a unfathomable whiff just to make sure. Or maybe I think some milk might have gone bad, so I put it super close to my face and suck all the offensive odor right in. Of if you said to me “I farted,” sure enough I will be snorting in your flatulence just so make sure.

Another example is my child’s ass. The Munch used to poop poops that hardly impacted my olfactory senses. It was just a little squirt of digested breast milk. Now I can’t really call what she does poop anymore, but rather crap. She doesn’t poop her pants, she craps them. I really don’t need to get that close to know this is true, yet I do. I pick her up, and bring her right to my face, and smell. Then her fecal matter penetrates past my nasal cavity and into my mouth where I taste it.