One of the best things about being a person who exhibits no boundaries and has very flexible morals, is that my friends send me some pretty fucked up shit.
Recently I was alerted to a new trend called “orgasmic meditation,” and then given the website address onetaste.us – which I am pretty sure is the grossest URL of all time.
So basically, you can sign up for a one-day instructional class for the price of $195 that is centered around a 15 meditation where a woman’s clitoris is stroked.
Oh… and in case were wondering – “this 7-hour day includes course with lunch break + Optional OM Lab after the course.” Phew… because if there is anything that builds up an appetite – it is clitoral caressing.
AND… “this includes a three month complementary OM Badge Membership (access to OM Circles & The OM Hub). You can then upgrade to a yearly OM Badge for $67.”
Ummmmmm am I old fashion, or does the idea of an OM Circle and OM Hub membership card sound terrifying? But thank Gaia I can upgrade to a yearly badge!
These classes are definitely marketed to new age hipsters. “OM stands for Orgasmic Meditation. It’s a practice (think of yoga, running, violin, etc) that is a gateway to more vitality, connection and turn on. It’s deliberate and structured with repeatable results. It’s a meditation, equally powerful for both partners — only the object of focus is the clitoris.”
So this is the deal. You can other come with a partner, or go by yourself and get set up with a guy named Mitch who may or may not live with his mother and have his belly button pierced. You then go through the class where you get a live demonstration of the OM practice, learn where the 1 o’clock spot is, and get some basic stroking technique.
But the condition before being able to participate in the class is watching the “how to” video, which I of course did… and I highly suggest you do as well.
It begins with a couple on a couch. They look normal, despite the anxious look in her eye and his penetrating gaze. She begins to explain how before learning the OM practice she was disinterested in sex, and even found it to be boring. But after doing this practice her appetite is voracious, which he of course gives the camera the thumbs up sign as a reaction.
He then discuss his discovery that what feels good for him, and his body, does not necessarily feel as good for his partner. So I guess he had an “aha” moment when understanding that ramming his wenis like a meat cleaver into a lady wasn’t exactly the pinnacle or romance.
She then begins to explain how one sets up for the OM meditation. It begins by making a “nest” that is complete with extra pillows, and a towel. I will give you a moment to gag…. She then lays down naked from the bottom down, and he, fully clothed, entwines himself around her butterflied legs so he can see both the face on her head, and her other face nestled amid her legs. The man then puts on gloves… which I found not only clinical but also confusing. Was he was afraid of catching a cold? Because I don’t think that is how that happens. He applies lube to his now rubber finger, and then she says,
“He begins to touch my pussy in an upward motion until he lifts the hood of my clit…..”
NOW WAIT A GOD DAMN MINUTE. Pussy?? PUSSY?? Even though the visual I was exposed to was without a doubt alarming, I was infinitely more shocked by the usage of the word pussy!!! I mean, couldn’t she have used a more subtle word? Isn’t this some new age hippy culture where we say words like “sacred lotus” to describe our vulvas? And for the rest of the video, they both referred to her pussy as if it were a third character in the room.
Wait I forgot to mention something, he also took a moment to describe her “pussy” in precise detail to her – including coloring and asymmetry of folds.
The man also did a lot of “checking in” to make sure the pressure was okay and things of this nature. Which is fine in practice, but really creepy to witness.
When they are done, they both share a moment that they had during the 15 minutes, seemingly involving a lot of buzzing and feelings of heat and light. She puts her pants back on; they put away their “nest” (not a lot of mention of what one should do with said towel), and then go about their day.
If you are anything like me you are probably wondering… ummm what the dick is going on here? Is there really a course for adults involving a skill that should have been mastered before you graduated high school? And if not, maybe there should be a finger-banging pre-requisite for all men and women before they are allowed out into the world? I mean, that is just common decency.
Okay fine… that is me being judgey. Maybe this is feminist and “empowering” since it is focusing all on her pleasure and reminding people that touching someone softly may in fact feel better than invading her privates with a sledgehammer. And yeah people are into tantra and extended definitions of pleasure that are less about climax and more about prolonging a state of ecstasy. I am sure there are many positive outcomes and it has helped both men and women in their sex lives. Sure sure sure sex and giving/receiving pleasure could be seen as a meditation. Fine. All that is fine. But still. REALLY? This is REALLY happening?
And why does he keep all his clothes on? I mean not that anyone really wants to be looking at a bunch of boners, but I think I would feel more comfortable not being the only one wearing the Winnie the Pooh outfit.
