Although my own boogers have proved to provide endless entertainment and distraction from boredom, I am actually quite horrified by the nose droppings of others. I have forced myself to come to peace with the snot of The Munch, considering she has been known to use my shirt as a Kleenex, and often leaves a patty of mucus on my shoulder after an intense cry. I will admit though, I have yet to fully suppress my gag reflex when she eats her nasal candy.
But The Munch is the spawn of my DNA, so her bodily secretions are less gross then if she were not my genetic semi-clone. She is an extension of my insides, except with feet, and her own face. Her piss and shit has been the soundtrack to my life, and I have learned to deal with her excretions with as much dignity as a Victorian Lady with dysentery.
But that does not mean I am comfortable with other people’s boogers being wiped on me. Which is what my friend kept doing as a joke over the weekend. I started to have a visceral reaction that seemed like it was coming from a primal wound from my past. In an effort to uncover this trauma I was engaging in some intense talk therapy over the phone with my most trusted confident.
“You know, she just kept wiping her boogers on me. Although I can appreciate the comedy, actually looking at the glistening slime on my pants produced surges of vomit to bellow up the back of my throat. I am not sure why I have such an aversion?? Maybe it dates back to when my brother would take his boogers and attach them to his eyelashes, extending the green goblin from the top set to the bottom. He would keep his eye at half-mast to make sure not to lose this slime soldier and then chase me around the room like that – getting just close enough forcing me to look at his face and watch the booger stretch across the lashes as he blinked.”
Yeah… come to think of it, I am pretty sure that is the source of my terror.
(Hard to believe such a sweet face was capable of such psychological warfare. Although I do think my brother is a comedic genius. I have a lot to learn from him. Munch… you better watch out!)
