“If parents like their kids so much, why are they always trying to get them to go to sleep? -janeane garofalo
Last night when I put The Munch to sleep I prayed. Not for her wellbeing, eternal happiness, or peace of mind. I prayed that she would sleep in late. Because Mamma felt over tired.
Of course when you need sleep the most, it is as allusive as a cat with a cocaine problem. I was so tired I couldn’t fall asleep, so I drank some stupid Nighty Night Time tea. Pretty dumb to drink a pot of liquid at 11pm, and pretty sure I was waking up ever hour to pee. Then my dreams were all demented making me question my sanity, and at some point my dog started rapid fire sneezing. The whole scene was a mess. So when I woke at 4am to pee for the 5th time, I was grateful that I probably had a few more hours to enjoy some REM, but only the early years because their later stuff sucks.
Of course, at 5:25 AM I heard The Munch SCREAMING! Yelling for me like her Elmo was having an affair with her baby doll. It was nuts! Usually if she wakes up during the night all she needs is the music to be turned back on, and she will fall back asleep. But when I snuck my hand through the door to press play it only made her more ballistic. I felt like something had to be wrong. Like she was puking, or her teddy was strangling her.
“Munch what’s wrong? Are you okay? What is going on?
Crying immediately stops.
“Ummmmm, yeah…. I am all done with night night.”
“What? Are you out of your mind? It is still dark out! Look Munch, look out the window. It is still nighttime! Can you go back to sleep?”
“Ummmmm, yeah…. No. I am all done. Take me out now please.”
So I took her out of her crib and brought her into my bed because I felt delirious, and not the fun Prince kind of way.
“Mamma, lets get all nice and cozy under the blanket.”
Okay, that sounded promising. I thought maybe she would want to go back to sleep if we cuddled in bed.
“Mamma, we are all nice and cozy.”
“Mmmmmmm yes Munch we are nice and cozy. Now close your eyes for a bit.”
“Mamma…. Mamma… Mamma…”
“Yeah Munch, what is it?”
“I saw Larry on his tractor and he gave me a cracker.”
“That’s nice Munch.”
“Yeah. Mamma… Mamma… Mamma…. Mamma… Look at me.”
“Mamma, I have blanket.”
“Right on Munch, you do have a blanket.”
“Mamma… Mamma… Mamma… Mamma…. Mamma… Go get my baby.”
So I went and got her stupid baby…. hoping that then I could maybe sleep for just a little more. But instead she would snuggle under the blanket with her dumb baby, then kick the blanket off, then ask to get tucked in again nice and cozy, then flail around and elbow me in the face, then tell me she needs to “show me something” that something being her tongue. I am telling you, sleeping beauty’s mother had it made.
“Yaaaaawwwwwwnnn. Now that you are awake, dressed, and prepared to start your day Mamma, I am ready to take a nap.”