Your kid is a reflection of you.  They are an extension of your personal brand.  How they dress, how you cut their hair, what kind of shoes they wear, all goes back to showcasing you.  If you hipster, preppy, hippy, Goth, rocker, emo, hip-hop, upscale-yoga-chick, alternative, clean cut… the fashion choices you prefer for yourself are usually how you style your child for as long as you have control over what they wear.  I am sure there are a lot of mommies in plastic high heels parading around some slutty babies in thong diapers.

I dig it… I want the Munch to be wearing ironic t-shirts and rocking a Casio watch.  I need her to show the world that I am in fact cool despite the depressing reality that I am wearing Uggs.  Fuck!  All my self-value is now contingent on whether or not I can stuff my two year-old’s feet into some Reebok high tops.  Or maybe I need to shove her into some flowing yoga pants and a white linen shirt so she can be all Zen and one with the Cosmos.  Wait, who am I again?

Even though technically I want The Munch to be her own person, and explore whatever she finds intriguing, in reality I want her to be just like me.  Or at least highly influenced by my vibe.

But some parents are willing to take their insistence on indoctrinating their kid to a whole new level. Like this mom who made her toddler get a tattoo.  I mean, although I think it would be pretty badass to give The Munch a sleeve, or ink up her back with the story of the Bhagavad Gita… even I know it is better to wait until she can decide that for herself.  Like I did, when I got my first tattoo at 15.  Yet this mom not only forced her kid to get a tattoo, but said tattoo actually trademarked the child with the numbers 666.  Now I know your satanic cult must be really important to you and your family, but anytime your kid is upside down it is going to look like 999.  So a picture of the devil probably would have been a better idea.

“Seriously Munch? A Barbie radio/microphone set?? That is not cool!!! What are you doing to me!?”