Being someone’s mom is so hard. There are days when I say to myself, “holy shit, this shit is fucked.” There is so much responsibility, pressure, need, and demand that come with being a mom. And the most twisted thing about it is that there doesn’t even seem to be any choice. No matter how annoyed, bitter, resentful, or frustrated I feel, I am still hyper aware that this is my child and I am her world. There just isn’t any room to ignore that.
Of course there are many days that are easy and drama fee. Most of the time I enjoy being around The Munch, even when she is bossing me around. But when things are difficult, they can be really intense. Like when we are both sick.
I know…. This is the 4th time I have been sick in 2 months. I don’t get why? It could have something to do with my disgusting child touching everything that is coated with communicable diseases then coughing in my mouth. But I am not sure.
You know how it is when you are sick? All you want to do is watch tv, sleep, and smoke opium. But when you are a kid and feeling like crap all you want is your mom to make everything all better. Yet taking care of someone else when you feel like donkey sperm is not easy.
Today was the worst. We both had fevers and all she wanted was to sit on my lap. Technically that doesn’t sound so bad, but her body felt like 30-pounds of Dante’s Inferno that wouldn’t stop wiggling and squirming around. If anyone tried to take her, The Munch would get so hysterical I couldn’t handle it. Even though I knew that I also needed to take care of myself and get rest, my healing didn’t feel more meaningful than her mental sanity. It was too heartbreaking how much she wanted to stay with me, even though every second with her was sucking my will to live.
That right there is the conundrum. I can’t prioritize myself over The Munch even if I wanted. The very fact that she needs me makes it so I want to be there for her even when I don’t. Man those mother hormones seriously need to be packaged and mass marketed because they are no joke. Either that or The Munch is a witch?
