Looking at the world through archetypal psychology you start to realize how every person is a type of person, and that you are an academic snob. I am either devoted to the Jungian thought processes, very astute at analyzing, or too lazy to really get to know people, but I am always categorizing humans and thinking I know them because “I know their archetype.” I often say things like “Ahhhh yes… well he is the type of person who drinks orange juice while eating a grilled cheese sandwich so obviously he cannot be trusted. You should definitely check his cell phone while he is in the shower…”
It is easy to make assumptions about people convinced you have encountered this same style of temperament before, and I am sure I have been wrong in my presumptions… but you know what? I am more often than not totally right! Haven’t you ever heard a story about someone and even though you never met them can dissect and evaluate their very being? That is kind of how advice works right? I don’t have to know your boyfriend to tell you he is douche… just talk about him for a few minutes and it is obvious what kind of guy he is.
Of course cataloguing people doesn’t really honor the complexities of the human condition and the fact that we often contradict our tendencies depending on the situation. SO even though no one is one thing all the time, there is still a pattern of personality that is worthy of noticing.
Since I have been encountering, reading about, and talking behind the backs of many mom’s… here is my list of the 5 mommy types!
Hippy Moon Tribe Mom
Only buys organic absolutely everything. Would rather feed her child dirt then an Oreo cookie. Wears a baby in a sling that was hand woven by Inuit woman where a 100% of the proceeds goes back to the community to help empower girls to weave their way to an education in a city 60 miles away that they walk to barefoot through the snow. Often seen at a dessert Trance party with her dreadlocked child frolicking naked except for a moss diaper while tying ribbons to pussy willows to make a kite and playing the flute with bark.
Busy Busy Busy Mom
This style of mom is always in a rush hurrying from one place to another like they are running an oil-company in the Middle East. They have no time for playing around in the super market, saying “thank you” if open the door for them, or smiling. They are moms and they have shit to do… like taking the kid to T-ball practice, or eating lunch…. Important stuff that you CANNOT be late for under any circumstances because childhood is about activities activities activities!
Professional Mom
The Professional Mom has German qualities of organization and meticulousness. Not exactly one who inspires you to fantasize about curling up in her maternal bosom, but devoted to her child and has high expectations for their future. You will find this mom taking her husband’s penis to the top pre-schools so his sperm can be interview for early admission. These kids start practicing for their SAT’s while in the womb, get only the best baby Einstein toys, and are quint-lingual by 4.
Better than you mom
No matter what you think is going well with your mom techniques, these moms will remind you that not only are you wrong and stupid, but their way is better than yours. These moms will talk condescendingly about how when you get into an accident your car seat is going to eject your child into space while they are on fire because you went to the wrong eco-safety-car seat-website, you breastfeed too much and not enough, you let them nap too long and now your baby is going to be lazy for life, and how their kid accomplished every milestone before yours.
Frazzled Mom
The frazzled mom can be seen wearing Ugg boots regardless of the season, sweatpants with an adorable phrase like “eat it” across the butt, hair that is more pony than tail, and a look in her eyes that hints that someone is trapped comatose behind the glass. If asked how “how are you?” she complains for so long there are commercial breaks. She is often annoyed at her children, but ironically pregnant.
