You know when you are alone dancing in front of the mirror busting moves that are super suave but then can never replicate them in front of people? Instead you end up looking like a strange hybrid of dry-humping the air and shadow boxing. Or you are singing in the shower and convinced you could win American Idol, but when you even hum along to the radio your friends turn it offer under the guise that they prefer sitting in silence contemplating their own mortality? Or you are really sick and have to stay home alone all day but your hair looks amazing?
How many times have you done something that is so universe demolishingly incredible and no one was around too see it?! You try and tell people just how unbelievable you are, but they just nod their head complacently and wish you would stop bragging. “Yeah, that sounds awesome that you did a backflip off your bed and landed in a head spin… sure I would love to see it… wow that looked like it hurt, are you okay? I think your eye is bleeding…”
The cutest most charming things The Munch ever does is when we are alone together and no one is there to observe what a marvelous Munch she is. I end up trying to explain how cunning she is to but when I do my impersonation it is not as endearing, ends up coming off as pathetic, and makes people pretty uncomfortable.
But I experience this all the time! I had to listen to a friend imitated how precious it was when her kid found his wiener for the first time, with a full demonstration and hand gesticulations to go with the narrative. Maybe I deserve it though after my five-minute monologue about how The Munch washes her own tummy in the bath. But come on… isn’t that amazing? She washes her own tummy with her own little hands! Adorable!