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I Don’t Love You Anymore!

The Munch is still in a state of healing from her eye surgery. It is for sure WAAAYYY more complex than I imagined, and as it stands right now the doctor is thinking that we may have to do another operation. I of course REALY don’t want to put Munch through that, so have been going hard on the holistic healing front.

In these past few weeks I’ve taken her to a variety hippy doctors, and they all say her body is still processing the trauma of the experience. Because I want to be as proactive as possible, there are a bunch of things I am trying in order to address both the emotional and physical distress. This is the short list:

1) Eye patch glasses: Munch didn’t want to wear an eye patch because she didn’t think patches were “fashionable,” and the adhesive gave her cheek a rash. So I made her some super sweet Hello Kitty glasses with a ballerina patch over the good eye. Now she looks like a punk rock pirate, and will wear them around her friends.
2) Pills for her blood/liver: My acupuncture lady said we needed to support her liver/blood to keep tendons and eyes healthy. I brewed Chinese herbs for 2 days in hopes that Munch would drink it, but she refused because it tasted like “monkey poop and pee.” But she did learn to swallow pills so at least that is happening – but she is also now irrationally excited about swallowing pills… which makes me somewhat concerned for her future and doing ecstasy. PS I am also now drinking the “monkey poo and pee” drink because I don’t want it to go to waste, and it tastes more like giraffe semen.
3) Eye Games: We play games with flash cards where I make her move her eye around. This game has now evolved to me also playing, and working out my eye, which can now bench press 250 lbs.
4) Massages: I massage her leg to stimulate blood production, her feet to lower stress, her head to relax the brain, and her eye to bring awareness of healing. This is a 30 min process where I have to keep her relaxed and entertained so she doesn’t squirm around. This means I tell stories the entire time, which I make up from the top of my head. I now have carpel tunnel syndrome in my hands from all these damn massages, and probably should enter an improv group for my amazing off the cuff story telling abilities – although many of them end with someone farting really loud.
5) Singing: Now I have to make her sing as much as possible because the vibration in her head is healing, but she HATES it when I sing because The Munch is a musical snob… sooooo this one isn’t going so well.

I have also been taking her to healers who do cranial sacral work and trauma release. I have noticed that when we get home from these visits, she has total meltdowns that night. The Munch isn’t really one to have tantrums, so I figure she is getting out these buried emotions that she kept in while trying to be cooperative during the surgery. She was excessively stoic, and maybe needs to get some of the fear and rage out?

I have been trying to give The Munch space to have these outrageous moments of outburst, and not take them personally or get angry with her for acting out. I know her well enough to know this isn’t her normal behavior, so there is no point in punishing her for needing to release. But this is what it looked like last night.

The Munch: Mamma, can I have a candy cane?
Toni: There is no way! It is bedtime, and you can’t eat a candy cane right before bed.
The Munch: But I WANT ONE!
Toni: That is understandable because candy canes are delicious. But you have to wait until tomorrow. You can have one then.
The Munch: Well I can eat it anyway, and you can’t stop me.
Toni: Of course I can. I am way bigger than you and can take it from you. I would rather you just put it away and have it tomorrow.
The Munch: Try and take it from me.
Toni: I am not going to do that.
The Munch: Just try and take it from me.

Okay fine… I am the grown up and could have refused. But she was TAUNTING ME OKAY!

I grabbed the candy cane and it she held onto the hook, and now the other half was in my hand.

The Munch: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU BROKE IT!!!! WAAAAHHHHHHAAA
Toni: Dude I am sorry. I didn’t mean to break it. It was an accident!
The Munch: WELL YOU DID BREAK IT!! WAHHHHHAAAA
Toni: You told me to try and take it!
The Munch: WAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAA!!! YOU BROKE IT!
Toni: I didn’t mean to break it, but you did tell me to try and take it. Besides, you can have the pieces in the tomorrow. It gets all broken up in your tummy anyway. I will save them for you.
The Munch: I DON’T WANT IT TO BE BROKEN! I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! AND I AM TAKING MOLLY FROM YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE MOLLY AGAIN. EVEN THOUGH SHE IS YOUR FAVORITE STUFFY.

The Munch then went into my room, and got my stuffed animal dog named Molly, and hid her. Okay fine a grown up isn’t supposed to sleep with stuffed animals. But I have had molly for 25 years! I always sleep with Molly!

The Munch: There! Now Molly is hidden and you will never find her!
Toni: Munch I hear that you are angry, but I think you maybe need some time to think and calm down and then we can talk.
The Munch: NO! I am locking you in my room and YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE!
Toni: Never? What if I get hungry?
The Munch: You will get nothing to eat!!!
Toni: So I would just starve to death in your room?
The Munch: YES!!!
Toni: So when people ask you “what happened to your mom?” you would just say “oh I got super mad because she broke my candy cane so I locked her in my room. She eventually starved to death and died.”
The Munch: Yes!
Toni: Don’t you think you would maybe miss me?
The Munch: YES I WOULD!
Toni: Okay well can we think of a solution for you to feel better so you are not yelling or trying to starve me to death?
The Munch: NOTHING WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER EXCEPT FOR WATCHING MY LITTLE PONY OR EATING A NON BROKEN CANDY CANE.
Toni: Well, neither of those things are going to happen.
The Munch: WELL THEN YOU CAN’T MAKE ME HAPPY!
Toni: Of course I can’t make you happy! You have to make your elf happy! Can you think of something that might make you happy? Like maybe you could jump on the bed and then into my arms.
The Munch: Ummm okay.

Then she was totally fine and we did our 45-minute healing routine and I got early onset arthritis. This morning we talked about it…

The Munch: I love you. You’re the best mommy in the whole universe.
Toni: Remember when you told me last night that you didn’t me any more? Did you mean that?
The Munch: No… I was just angry.
Toni: I know. But when you say harsh things, even when you are angry, it can really hurt someone’s feelings. You have to always be careful with your words, because you can never take them back.
The Munch: Well you didn’t seem like your feelings were hurt last night.
Toni: That is because I’m your mom, and moms are always more forgiving towards their children. Not everyone will be that way. I knew you didn’t mean those words, but I also know you have been going through a lot, so have a lot of emotions you are working through.
The Munch: Maybe you also knew you shouldn’t have broken my candy cane.

She does look pretty bad ass right?

don't-love-you-(i)

3 Responses to I Don’t Love You Anymore!

  1. Olga Davidson says:

    You ARE the best Mommy in the whole wide world!

  2. Giordana says:

    You are a great mom and she is an excellent kid and you should probably give her a nice new candy-cane so she doesn’t murder you in a fit of rage, you know, just to hedge your bets.

  3. Robin Olson says:

    I think the worst thing Adelia experienced in her surgery and recovery was being made to chew up a regular aspirin. It’s the very bitterest taste in the world!

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