I am a morally flexible person.  I tend to be pretty forgiving when it comes to the complexities of the human condition.  I care more about someone’s capacity to understand their motivation and analyze their behavior than absolutes like never lie, cheat or steal.  I have done all of the above and I am not saying I am proud of it, but I am saying those were some pretty fun times.

Honesty is a core value that most people have, and an attribute that should be commended.  It is not always easy to tell the truth, and I respect people who are committed to the pursuit.  But even though honesty is admirable, is it always the best strategy?

I used to assume that lying was something that was socially conditioned rather than an innate trait, but now I am not so sure.  For example, The Munch is fully aware when she has a poops in her pants.  She can feel it, and often tells me by pointing to her crotch and repeating, “poops” until I do something about it.  It is subtle, but I usually get the message.

However, sometimes she smells like a porta-potty at a Phish show and I will ask her if she made poops and she will look me dead in the eye and say “no poops.”

Now I don’t think The Munch is lying like how I did to my parents about why I cleaned their house every time they went away for the weekend (definitely not because I had a party)…. But she is telling me something that she knows is not accurate, she is conscious of her untruth.  She would rather continue playing then deal with me grabbing her ankle and smearing poo all over her thighs until 14 wipes have been used and my standard of clean plummets further.

Lying is not the most desirable method of communication, but it can be a social necessity.  Sometimes your beloved doesn’t actually want to know what you think of their haircut, but wants your approval.  Is it that bad to let them feel attractive?  It doesn’t even really matter when you are making out because their face is way to close to see anything anyway.  If applying for job you have never done but know you could do well, is it wise to admit your total lack of experience? Embellishing is a lie, but people do it all the time to get people to believe in them.  Ironic yes, stupid no.  Or making up excuses is still in the land of falsehood, but it may also be the best way to get out something you don’t want to do.  Wouldn’t it be better to say you are “busy” rather then “I can’t come to your dinner party because I think your wife is a total cunt and I am inappropriately attracted to your teenage daughter.”  We often lie to ourselves about doing the best we could, trying our hardest, or how that jerk deserved your peeing on the their toothbrush, and if that’s what it takes to sleep at night, is it really a bad thing?

The Munch isn’t picking up lying from her surroundings, she is just trying to figure out how to navigate the world and get what she wants.  Most people lie because it makes their lives easier, or to protect themselves from potential pain they don’t want to face, not because they are being intentionally malicious.  Yes it is a selfish act, but so is picking your nose and wiping it under your chair, and we are all guilty of that.

PS… Just kidding!  In the last 5 hours since I wrote this post I have lied to Munch dozens of times! We went to Target and I lied about why we couldn’t by obnoxious toys she wanted, then she found my secret organic gummy worms and I lied and told her they were yucky,  then I had to hide a penny behind my back because she kept putting it in her mouth…  the list goes on and on.  She totally gets it from me!

“Really mom… an angel will get anally assaulted if you buy me this?”