The 7- year itch. It is a phenomenon that happens in relationships where after 2,556.7 days, you start to lose interest in the other person. They start to annoy you more, or there are built up resentments, or the way they brush their teeth begins to really gross you out. Basically by the seven-year mark, some couples may have spent enough time together that the dynamic is no longer exciting, and all of those pesky habits that you used to tolerate now make you want to pluck out your pubic hair in protest.
Who knows why this is? Maybe it is because our bodies and minds develop and change every seven years? Austrian philosopher and teacher Rudolf Steiner created a theory of human development based on seven-year cycles that were associated with astrology. So perhaps it was written in the stars that the sight of your partners face would eventually make you gag.
This got me fantasizing about Disney marriages, and what might have happened after some of these infamous love stories hit this pivotal mark.
Scenario 1: Cinderella and Her Prince
Prince: Hey sweetie… could you unload the dishwasher?
Cinderella: What? You think I am your maid or some shit? You unload your own dishwasher bitch!
Prince: It’s just that I do the laundry, and the sweeping, and the dusting, and the vacuuming, and the polishing, and the sewing….
Cinderella: Let me stop you right there. I am done with that shit. If you have half a brain in your head you will find some little mice to help you and sing you songs in the process. Now get out of my face! I am trying to watch the Real House Wives of Beverly Hills.
Scenario 2: Beauty and The Beast
Belle: Sigh…
The Now Human Man Formally Known as Beast: What’s wrong sweetie?
Belle: It’s nothing.
TNHMFKAB: No tell me?
Belle: No it’s nothing. Really.
TNHMFKAB: Tell me! I want to know what’s on your mind.
Belle: Well, it’s about our love life.
TNHMFKAB: What do you mean? We will love each other until happily ever after…
Belle: Well, I guess I mean our sex life then.
TNHMFKAB: What’s wrong with our sex life?
Belle: It’s just that, you used to be such an animal in bed.
Scenario 3: Sleeping Beauty and Her Prince.
Prince: Girl you better wake your ass up!
Scenario 4: Snow White and Her Prince
Prince: That was awesome baby. Really great stuff.
Snow White: Yeah I guess.
Prince: You really are the best baby. Just can’t get enough of you.
Snow White: Yeah….
Prince: What’s going on? Do I not satisfy you sexually?
Snow White: Well, maybe if there were 7 of you…
Scenario 5: The Little Mermaid and Her Prince
Erik: Ariel could you please stop jumping in the water every time I want to get intimate with you? That tail makes things impossible!
Ariel: Exactly.
Scenario 6: Princess Jasmine and Aladdin
Aladdin: You are doing what?!
Jasmine: I am leaving you. It’s over.
Aladdin: What? Why? How?
Jasmine: I have met somebody else. Somebody who is a provider and who doesn’t ride around on a stupid carpet all day.
Aladdin: Who? You have to tell me.
Jasmine: Somebody who can give me what I really want!
Aladdin: I need to know!
Jasmine: I will grant you 3 guesses…
