Since I moved away from New York city, usually the only way my friends see me is if they come to visit.  Although I obviously have lost a lot of friends in the process of starting a new life in the cuntree, the relationships that have been maintained are way closer than if we lived in the same place.  When people come to spend time, it is usually for a few days, and they are staying with me.  This breeds a whole different flavor of intimacy than the usual “I will meet you for a 45 minute coffee date to catch up” type of dynamic.   When someone is around you 24/7 you really get to know their quirks, smells, and queefs.

The women in my life who I am tight with (both far and near), have also become really connected to The Munch.  They have known her since she was a baby, and Munch has grown up thinking of them as aunties.  But The Munch is never one to be a passive observer of life.  She wants to participate and be a part of the action.  So a lot of times The Munch wants to play with my friends alone, and doesn’t want me around!!! If I start trying to talk to them, she tells me to be quite!  From her perspective I am a distraction that takes my friend’s attention away from her.

Munch: Mamma, no! Stop talking! Go in the office and do some work!

Toni: But Munch, I want to talk to auntie Bridget too!

Munch: Mamma no.  It is not your turn.  Bridget and are going up to my room, and you stay down here all by yourself and go on your computer.

So that is exactly what I am doing. I can hear them upstairs playing a game where Munch is the “mommy” and Bridget is the “little girl” who needs to be disciplined.  I think Munch and I are in full blown competition for my friend’s attention!

HEY MUNCH! YOU ARE NOT MORE FUN THAN ME!!! I AM NOT THE 3RD WHEEL! YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!