So what is with the language around birth?  Do you not find it a bit intimidating?

1)    Labor: So the only words that I know associated with labor are “hard” labor and “manual” labor.  YIKES!  That is not exactly the peaceful image I want when I think about bringing a bebe into the world.  Also…why are women always “going into” labor, like it is some dark cavernous abyss?  And if you are going into labor, that means you somehow have to get out of it right?  How do I get out of labor?  Maybe we could call it “birthing moment” instead.  Like “Ohhhh…. No big deal everyone.  I am just having my birthing moment.”

2)    Contractions: Okay… so that reminds me of math equations and grammar.  I don’t want to be thinking about school subjects I was only quasi good at during my birthing moment!  How about instead of contractions we said “birthing wave,” like “I am just riding this birthing wave, and when the waves get closer together my bebe will surf onto the shore.”  Doesn’t that sound nice?

3)    Pushing: If the baby were to be coming out of my asshole, I would understand this idea of pushing.  I have pushed things out of my ass before.  In fact I am quite used to it.  But “pushing” something out of my vagina?  Nope.  That makes no sense to me.  My vagina is used to things coming in… not things coming out.  How about “exhaling” the baby out.  Yes… that sounds plausible… just a series of downward exhales.

4)    Due Date: This makes me think of a deadline… and that makes me think of work… and work is not magical.  Besides… it is not like humans that are out of the womb develop at the exact same rate… why should we predict or expect baby fetuses to be any different?  Then you get fixated on this one day like it’s God’s truth, when really, only 5% of babies ever come on that day.  Why not a “bebe birthday month?”  Like “Eh… you will have the baby sometime in July.”

5)    Water breaking/bloody show/mucus plug: Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Makes me think of a horror movie!  Seriously?  A bloody show?  Am I going to an avant garde Broadway horror musical?  Can’t those just be “signs the baby is coming soon?”

I am just saying, that language can scare you! Especially because if you have never had a baby, birth is such an unknown experience. You can ask 100 women about their birth and you will get 100 different descriptions of what they went through.  If this is your first time in such foreign territory, don’t you at least want to talk and hear about birth with softer language?  I am not saying that I think birthing is going to be a walk in the park, but I do think the “common” medical words could have more positive imagery.