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“But Officer… I am wicked pregnant and super have to pee!”

“But Officer… I am wicked pregnant and I super have to pee!” Who would have known that the above words would get me out of being arrested? But they did. Okay… so maybe I was driving 20 miles over the speed limit… and definitely deserved getting pulled over. But c’mon! Nature calls! Did I mention I was also late to meet the baby’s new potential pediatrician… and get to yoga on time? I had things to do!

Under normal circumstances, I would have gotten a speeding ticket and been on my way, but unbeknownst to me, my license was suspended!?

“Well Ma’am… your license is suspended and I am going to have to arrest you.”
“Ummmmm seriously??” But officer… how can a practice my preggo headstands in jail??

Looking at my big preggo belly and my legs crossed, the officer took pity. He talked to his supervisor, and rather than arresting me, followed me to the hospital so I could go pee, and still make the tail end of the doctors appointment. Meeting the pediatrician with a police escort I am sure gave juuuuuuuust the right impression of what kind of mom I am going to be, as I asked about getting vitamin K as an oral supplement rather than having baby get the shot. Yeesh.

So mom fails… but baby totally wins, as without that big pregnant belly, I am sure I would be writing this from my jail cell right now. You know, before this happened, I thought there was a possibility that I wasn’t totally prepared for the responsibility ahead. Starting with the fact that without my mom having purchased all the goods for the baby’s needs, I would have brought baby home wrapped in paper towels and duck taped to my chest. Another warning signal for me might have been when I got an email forwarded to me with all these “fail” pictures of bad parenting, (my favorites being below) and I was totally inspired about all the funny pictures I could take with my baby!

I am thinking the fact that I am already exploiting baby in utero to get out of jail sentences, imagining all hysterical predicaments to put baby and take pictures for my own amusement, as well as speeding 20 miles over the speed means, means I still got a lot of work to do.

At least, after spending 3 hours on the phone with DMV, I cleared my name of my suspended license, because it was not my fault. I actually paid that ticket of talking on my cell phone while driving… to my defense, though, I wasn’t preggo then. But yes, I totally told the guy on the phone my pregnancy woes to make sure he sent the fax TODAY so I could get my license re-instated. Hey… who knows how much longer I will have the DMV and the police on my side, and if a baby in my belly is the ticket, then baby, you can stay in there until college.