Once your kid starts talking, they also start talking back.  They probably won’t be smart asses all the time, but enough to test the limits of your patience with the precision of Isaac Newton. Unless you’re a Dickens character, chances are that your kid will feel comfortable asserting their will and you will have to decide when to put your foot down (preferably not on their head).

Recently I saw this video of a little boy debating with his mom about his attempt to steal cupcakes after she told him that he couldn’t have any.  This video has clearly gone viral because so many parents relate to it. Maybe our grandparents’ generation would never have tolerated this “conversation” because it might have ended with getting beaten with tree trunk or the like. But with corporal punishment being frowned upon these days, kids are both seen and heard.

One of the great challenges of disciplining my kid is how often I have to do it – especially toddlers (otherwise known as assholes).  A toddler has the mental capacity to verbalize their desires, incessantly mind you, but they lack tools to deal with their emotions when they don’t get what they want.  They also often refuse “no” for an answer.  This may be a consequence of the flaws in modern parenting or simply an obvious expression of human nature. All people want what they want and when denied their desires, we often protest.

There are many ways a child can express their discontent: crying, yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing…the list goes on. Perhaps the most effective method, the one we use long into adulthood, is negotiating. When The Munch relies only on her base instincts to deal with my “no” it is annoying.  The whining, weeping, and wailing doesn’t make me want to give into her.  It’s a different story when she gets strategic and tries to outwit me.

Munch: Mamma, can I have a treat?

Toni: Dude, you just woke up, you can’t have a treat for breakfast.

Munch: What if I ate a really healthy breakfast? Then can I have a treat?

Toni: But it is the morning. It would be insane to give you a treat at 8 am.

Munch: Mom, you could give me just one candy, and then I won’t ask for any more for the rest of the day.

Toni: Yeah, but that is still just not done. Treats in the morning will get me committed into an institution.

Munch: I have an idea. I will eat my healthy breakfast and you will give me one candy. I will put in in my pocket and wait for 3 and ½ minutes.  And then I can have it.

Toni: I don’t think so Munch.

Munch: But if I have my treat in the morning then I won’t have a treat later and then I won’t eat sugar at night and then I can go to sleep and not stay awake because of the sugar.

Toni: Why does that actually make a lot of sense to me right now?

I think The Munch has a real future as a diplomat.

PS: I want to arrange a marriage between The Munch and that three year old cupcake negotiator.