Whether you are born male or female, everyone can feel masculine and feminine traits. If you actually think about the human experience, most people are in a constant flux between these two extremes, flowing amid the yin and yang.  We hide behind gender roles ignoring the truth that we all have the capacity to embody the other.  As long as we say this is manly or womanly it distinguishes the genders making us feel separate, which creates “the other,” which in turn enables oppression, domination and exploitation.

But I don’t think the standard clichés apply in a truthful way to the core of what it is to be manly or womanly.  Okay, so people attribute manliness with strength.  Yes, men are strong, and most guys could probably kick my ass, but women give birth.  A human shot out of my vulva.  That takes a type of strength a man can never experience.

Guys are also considered more rational than women.   So, does kicking someone’s ass because they like a different football team sound like rational behavior?  Do men really make more reasonable decisions in their lives then women?  I highly doubt that.

And of course, women are thought of to be more emotional then men.  Ummmmm yeah right. Every guy I know has their man period at least twice a month, and most of them need to be mommy-ed by their women.  I have yet to meet a man who isn’t just as controlled by his emotions as any woman.  You know why?  BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONAL.

I am not saying that men and women are the same, because we are not, but what makes us different isn’t these lazy stereotypes.  Men and women have distinct interests and ways of processing the world and their feelings, but we all inhabit the complexity of the emotional rainbow.  Women have a mother instinct and tend to feel more nurturing and caring, and men may feel the pressure to provide and protect… those are real facets of our evolutionary upbringing that can’t be ignored.  There is something unique about being a woman, and I know I will never know what it is like to be a man.  But what is the same is the vocabulary we both share to navigate existence.

My point is that gender roles are defined not only by what sex we are, but our socialized sexuality.  A lot of what gender roles provide has to do more with the cat and mouse game of attraction then the reality of how humans actually feel.  Certain ways a man can act will make him less sexy, and same with women.  Part of the game of sexuality has to do with the roles we develop because there is some weird twisted biological urges and desires.  But that doesn’t mean men and women are really that different in a philosophical sense, we just like to act that way for the sake of the bedroom.

See Munch, I am not unconsciously enforcing gender roles by letting you do the dishes… I am helping you learn how to be sexy in the future!