No one likes to be told what to do. Whenever someone tells me to do something, my first reaction is to do the opposite. Probably why I always end up getting into trouble. “Toni, don’t touch that bat, it carries diseases” well… not if you are wearing a condom.
When you have a kid you are constantly telling them what to do, and sometimes they listen, and sometimes they are like “go fuck yourself.” I can’t blame The Munch for not wanting to succumb to all of my demands. Even though I am way smarter, and the majority of my requests are not only sensible but for her benefit, she will undoubtedly rebel.
Sometimes I can anticipate here revolt, and sometimes she catches me totally off guard. Her uprising against my logic can throw me off my game and confuse me. Maybe she is right and I am being unreasonable? Does she really need to pee before taking a nap? Should I risk the chance she urinates in my bed? And then an hour later while ripping the sheets of my mattress I wonder why I let myself be manipulated by her mutiny.
The insurgence of a toddler is intimidating. It is never just “no thank you Mamma, I would rather not leave the park now.” If The Munch is pissed and doesn’t want to do something, I better get ready for battle.
But now I have this new strategy. You know how you might take a toy and talk as the toy’s voice to play with a kid right? And be like “Hey, its me. Bear. You want to smell my fart?” to make them laugh. Well my friend Sarah told me, “just have the toys tell her to do things that she doesn’t want to do. If it’s coming from the toy, rather than you, she will do it.”
Fuck yeah she will. Even though my toy voice is undoubtedly creepy and out of a Stephen King movie, this method totally works! I guess things are way more annoying coming out of my mouth… but when coming from her owl – no problem! So for all you future boyfriends of the Munch, if she is not listening to you, just grab a stuffed animal and let them to the talking!