Hell is other people – well at least according to Jean-Paul Sartre. In his play “No Exit” he describes hell as being stuck in a room with 2 other people who you don’t really like. Three people trapped together for all eternity with nothing but each other as company. This gives a whole new twist to the show “Three’s Company.”
We often define ourselves through The Other, and how we judge each other ultimately defines how we judge ourselves. Yet when we look into the mirror of The Other, the reflection will always be distorted and disturbing. We are damned by our own essence, and when the fragrance co-mingles with the scent of ass from those around us, it is easy to forget your own stink.
Hell is being around people who only care about themselves while you only care about yourself.
Not that every relationship we are in is hellish, but the potential is always lingering while The Cranberries wonder if we had to let it. Selfish behavior feeds the demonic beast of conflict, who then regurgitates pain into a bloody mess of strife onto our shoes. That spectacle then becomes and all encompassing force – penetrating and probing.
People often become addicted to the drama of The Other because it is way easier to worry about how people have wronged you than it is to peer inside your own being and stare into the void of your core. So we allow others, and the problems we have with them, to distract us from ever truly dealing with the parts of ourselves that we don’t like.
So here are my 5 tips of avoiding drama in life and enjoying the mental anguish that is human relationships.
1) Only surround yourself with people you actually trust: But not trust in the cliché way where you expect them never to tell a white lie. Friends lie to each other to protect feelings or avoid some bullshit reaction. It happens. What I mean is the kind of trust where you KNOW the person actually cares about your best interests, and that no matter what you can work shit out together because you believe in your ability to communicate.
2) Always assume the best of people: If you trust someone, you have to accept that you may not always know why the fuck they are doing something, but you still need to have confidence that their reasoning is reasonable. When you operate with that understanding, you take the burden of trying to control another person off your shoulders, and take the leap of faith that the person you love is worth receiving your love. If someone betrays you so what? It may hurt, but it is also not your problem. It is their problem for being a dick. It sucks way worse to wrong someone than it does to be wronged. So like our TOTALLY legitimate legal system, all people are innocent until proven guilty.
3) Practice empathy: People suck. They are imperfect. They will let you down. This is inevitable. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have expectations of each other, but it does mean we have to have genuine compassion. Most of the time when someone you love is being an asshole, you can figure out what is going on with them if you take the time to get in their head. You don’t have to bring up every petty problem when you make the effort to work it out in your own mind. The more you can forgive people by taking a moment to genuinely understand their perspective in your own process of processing, the less time you will spend picking each other apart in person. Unless you are chimpanzee and into that sort of thing.
