When someone causes you pain, it is obvious why you feel hurt.  There is a specific action that happened to you, either physical or emotional, and you feel wounded as a consequence.  But of course you do!  If I were to pinch you in the loins, or lie to your face, you are a casualty, and no one will question your tears.

Yet what if you were the perpetrator of pain?  What about the time that you caused anguish to someone else?  Doesn’t that also produce suffering in you?  Unless you are totally psychotic, most of us feel guilt when we know we have hurt someone else.  And that blame, that feeling of committing a misdeed, is almost more oppressive than being the victim.  I personally would much rather have to deal with someone being a dick to me, than the self-hatred that ensues with knowing I as a dick to someone.  Because even though it may suck to get hurt, it sucks more to feel responsible for someone else’s pain.

Maybe I am just brainwashed by my upbringing, and the Dogma of my Catholic guilt – but the other day The Munch seemed to prove my theory right.  We were decorating her room with “glow in the dark stars” from this galaxy kit my friend had bought her.  When I was a kid, I ALWAYS wanted those stupid “glow in the dark” stars in my room, but my mom wouldn’t let me because she thought they were tacky.  So you best believe my plan was to make The Munch’s room like a planetarium.  Beyond the star stickers, there were also these planets that you could hang up, and they came with tacks shaped like stars.

Munch: Let me see one of those Mamma.

Toni: No Munch, these are sharp and they aren’t toys.

Munch: But I want to see one of those sharp things.

Toni: Munch no, these are for Mammas.

Munch: But why? I really want to see one of those sharp things!

Toni: Because if you are not careful with it, you can hurt yourself.

Munch: I will be careful.  I promise.

Toni: Munch, I really just don’t want you to.

Munch: Please Mamma, please let me see one of those sharp things!!

Toni: Okay fine.  Here…

Munch: See, I am being careful.

Toni: Okay great.

Munch: I am just going to put it in my bear.

Toni: No Munch, don’t do that!

Munch: Why?

Toni: Because you will forget about it.  And then you will hug your bear later and it will poke you.

Munch: Okay, then I will just put it right here on my pillow.

Toni: No! Dude, you are going to forget about it and it will stab you in the face when you go to sleep.

Munch: Hmmmmm Okay, I will just play with it for a little bit longer.

Because I was so distracted making the ultimate universe in Munch’s room, I forgot about that stupid tack entirely.  After everything was all set, I got up to turn the light off to see the glow in the dark splendor, but stepped on that fucking tack in the process! The entire pointy sharp part was lodged in my foot! I could have hung a painting from it!

Toni: AHHHHHAHHAHHHHHHAHHHHHH!

Munch: What Mamma what happened?

Toni: I stepped on that tack Munch!! Ahhhhhahhhhahaahaa!! Now I have to pull it out! AHHHAHHHAAAAAAHHHAAA. Dude! I told you tacks aren’t toys! Why didn’t you listen to me?  Now it hurt Mamma, and I am bleeding!

Munch: Let me see!

Toni: See!!!

Munch: WAHHHHAAAAHHHHHAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!! MAMMA YOU NEED A BAINDAID!!! WAAHHHAHHHAHHHAAAAAAHHHHAA!!!

Munch felt so badly because of her mistake, that she was more upset than I was.  I ended up having to console her she was so distraught, even though it was my foot that impaled.  But I have to hand it to her.  The fundamental victory when in an emotional battle is for the person you hurt to empathize more with you than they connect to their own pain.  The Munch truly is the master manipulator.