School Is Ruining My Life!

This was The Munch’s second week of school, and so far this transition has been a lot like anal without lubrication – really uncomfortable.  She is super enthusiastic about the idea of school, never cries when she is dropped off, seems to enjoy her days, and when I pick her up she is always happy.  BUT (and there is always a big butt) the hours after when she is decompressing are like emotional nuclear war.

Yesterday I had to take her to the hippy doctor to get her philosophically curious eye looked at, and she cried the entire 30 minute ride because her bug bite was itchy.  She was fine in front of the doctor, but the minute we got in back in the car, she cried the entire 30-minute ride home.

Munch: Waaaahhhhhhaaaaa Mamma I want a treat!!!!

Toni: Dude, I told you that you could have a treat if you didn’t cry or complain on our ride home.

Munch: But I can’t wait! Wahhhhahahhhhahhahahaaa!

Toni: Well, then you can’t have a treat? Either you can stop crying and have a treat when you get home.  Or keep crying and have no treat.

Munch: But I need a treat now! I can’t wait!! Wahhhahhhhhaaaaahhaaaaa!!!

Rationally I get what is going on.  At school she has to keep it together all day in order to function in a group.  And that is a lot of pressure! She also is alone for the first time as an individual.  Before this, The Munch was always with some grown up whom she knew very well, and was around specifically to watch her.  She was continuously the center of someone’s universe.  But at school she is part of a pack, and the grown up is spread out evenly amongst them all.  It is a lot to deal with realizing that you are ultimately alone in the universe, and no one is really looking out for you so you best look out for yourself.

I get that once Munch is finally with me she can release all that stress and anxiety of having to be hyper aware of how others perceive her.  It is totally reasonable to need to expel the angst of being “on” all day.  To finally feel safe when she is with the person she trusts most.  I am aware that when she is back with mommy, who she knows loves her unconditionally, and will protect her regardless of what an asshole she is being, there is a comfort in that.  But even though my mind can understand where The Munch is coming from, and why she is a hysterical mess, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to stab her in the mouth.

Sigh… at least she looks cute eating her stupid treat