Puff Puff Pass… Wait, Not To You Mom or Dad

My parents were pretty liberal when dealing with my “experimental phase” of smoking weed as a teenager.  I think they figured that if they made a big deal about it that would only encourage me more, and assumed it was a phase I would outgrow.  As long as I was doing well in school, they pretty much turned a blind eye.

So if I happened to run into them after smoking pot, I would just play it cool, and they would placate me.  But thinking back to what they must have been thinking when they saw their daughter with blood shot eyes and reeking of pot trying to pretend I was sober– it must have been kind of hilarious for them.

Example 1

My friend Bitty and I were smoking weed outside while my parents were at the movies.  We decided we needed to eat raw cookie dough, so went into inside to make some.  The movie had sold out so my parents were home in the kitchen.

Toni: “Oh. Hi mom.  Hi dad.”

Mom: “Hi.”

Toni: “Why is it so smoky in here?”

Mom: “What?”

Toni: “Were you guys cooking something? Why is it so smoky?”

Mom: “What?”

Toni: “Is the oven on? Its just really smoky in here.”

Mom: “Ummm Toni, the only thing smoking is your head.”

Toni: “Oh.”

Example 2

Again, Bitty and I were smoking weed outside, but this time we decided that we needed to eat raw cake batter and watch Alice in Wonderland.  My mom was adamant that we never ate in the living room, but we really needed to watch Alice in Wonderland while we ate the cake batter.  Since it was 3 in the morning, we snuck in the living room and figured my mom would never have to know.  But unfortunately she woke up and I heard her coming down the stairs.  So of course Bitty and I did the only logical thing.  Hide the cake batter behind the chair and tried to hide us underneath the table.

Mom: “Toni? What are you doing underneath the table?”

Toni: “Oh nothing.”

Mom: “Are you trying to hide from me under a table? You know it is empty under a table right? I can see you both.”

Toni: “Yeah, totally. We know you see us. We were just looking for something.”

Mom: “Okay, well did you find it? Are you coming out from under there?”

Toni: “We found it.  Yeah.  Coming out.”

Mom: “Why is it so dark in here?”

Toni: “We were just watching a movie.”

Mom: “Well I am turning on the lights.”

Toni: “Okay.”

Mom: “Hey, were you girls eating in the living room?”

Toni: “Nope.”

Mom: “Are you sure you weren’t eating in the living room?”

Toni: “Yup.”

And then I looked over at Bitty and she had chocolate cake batter all over her face, as did I.

Example 3

We are smoking some weed outside on my parents terrace because I thought they weren’t home.  My dad opens the door seconds after I inhaled.  I exhaled into my shirt thinking he wouldn’t see the smoke billowing out of my armpits.

Dad: “Its smells like roofers out here.”

(Okay… so I lost my shit laughing.  It was too much).

Toni: “Dad its reefer!! Not roofers!! It smells like reefer out here!”

Dad: “Oh right! Duh”

Its hard to say whether or not I will take the same approach as my parents did with The Munch.  I have no idea what it is like to have a teenager, and after what I put my parents through, I am sure I am really in for it.  But they were right in many ways, that it was just a phase, and it did smell like roofers.

(Here I am at 15 going to my friend’s prom…. Yeah…. pretty sure that girl was trouble)


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