I care about the world. I care about politics, the environment, social issues…I used to be an informed person. Not informed like read the New York Times everyday… more like watch John Stewart/Stephen Colbert type of gal. So fine, I didn’t have vast in depth knowledge about current events, but I knew enough about what was going on to have adult conversations. I even had opinions.
Now, every time I try to educate myself with world happenings, I start to have an anxiety attack. All I can think is how the world is going to hell in a hand basket and my little girl is going to have to suffer through it. I literally start dry heaving and going into convulsions when I hear the news.
I borrowed a car I didn’t know very well yesterday, and the radio was on NPR. I couldn’t change the channel because I was too spacey to figure out how to work the radio, plus it was dark out. Point being, I could not turn the damn thing off! As the announcer went on and on about toxic sludge, war, the economy, shootings, Egypt, I just about had an aneurism thinking about the world I had just birthed a child into. It was a 7-minute drive, but by the time I returned the car my eyeballs ached from an explosion of tears.
When I was just a lone person, I knew the world was full of suffering. This is not a surprise to me, but I was the only one who had to deal with it. If I was fucked, so be it. But now that I have this little peanut to love, the thought of anything bad happening to her makes me feel overwhelmed with sorrow. I don’t want her to have to experience environmental devastation. Or a World War. Or no more animals save rats and cockroaches. Or the apocalypse of 2012! I just want her to have a beautiful life, and not grow up in a post-catastrophic world like The Terminator.
Not that I am preaching ignorance, but right now, I feel like I have to maintain a naïve perspective that the world is an okay place. That humanity is going to prioritize its children rather than corporate interests and violence. That we are going to figure out how to work with the environment rather than against it. That Jersey Shore will continue for the next 30 years and Snookie will live forever.
I guess once I have time again to start doing something besides staring at my baby all day, I better figure out what I can do to make sure of it!
You would think the Munch looks worried about her future here right? Actually I had just told her a joke….
Me: How Many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The Munch: How many?
Me: Oh its this obscure number you have probably never heard of
The Munch: I already heard that joke partying with the MGMT in 2007