1) When they are trying to pick a fight with you, tell them “you’re boring me.” There is nothing quite as offending or demeaning than being told, “you’re boring.”

2) When they insult you, or try to blame you for the dysfunction of the relationship, laugh. Laugh long and hard and then say, “you’re funny.”

3) When they text you shitty things trying to get a rise out of you, respond only in non sequitur emojis. Like Chinese food, dragons, and a chicken poking his head out of a shell.

4) Blow off relationship conversations completely, then change the topic and get really passionate talking about what you’re going to get your cousin for their birthday.

5) Every so often, practice random radio silence. Don’t respond to anything for a few days. Then simply text a funny Youtube video – like of Snoop Dog narrating Planet Earth… WITH NO EXPLANATION!

6) When having sex, comment about how their body isn’t how your remember it being.

7) Have plans to hang out. Break those plans 3 hours before you’re supposed to meet with no explanation. Then 2 hours later, say you want to hang out after all, but bring some friends and pay most of your attention to them.

8) Walk away from the relationship entirely.

You many not get laid with these strategies, but you will win the mind fuck.

See Kourtney Kardashian gets it…