Dysfunctional Family Moment

The Munch and I went to visit my parents at their place in DC, and the 4 of us living under the same roof for 4 days was a guaranteed recipe for some dysfunctional family moments. We all have a pervasive controlling personality type, which means every one of us is committed to the idea that our way is the right way. When individual people are convinced of their own righteousness, it is pretty impossible to negotiate within the micro-community.

For the majority of our time together, we co-mingled with dignity – but that all fell apart the morning when we were leaving. It started because my dad neurotically insisted we leave 2 ½ hours early for our flight, so the morning began in an epic rush to pack and get everything together. I felt like the best strategy was to divide and conquer tasks, so I enlisted my dad to help with breakfast.

Toni: Dad, can you make Munch some fried eggs for breakfast.
My Dad: You mean soft-boiled eggs?
Toni: No… I mean fried.
My Dad: How about soft-boiled…
Toni: Okay fine. Munch, can you go down stairs and eat with Baba?
Munch: NO! I want to eat breakfast with Manna!
My Mom: But I have to get dressed.
Munch: But I always have breakfast with Manna. Baba, doesn’t know how to make eggs.
Toni: Munch, go downstairs and have breakfast with Baba. He makes really good eggs. Dad… can you do that for me now?
My Dad: (Clickity clack on computer not paying attention to me)
Toni: (Physically takes computer away)
My Dad: Hey!!!

My Dad and Munch go downstairs to make the eggs. I come down a few minutes later as my dad is cracking them open.

Toni: Dad… those eggs are totally raw.
My Dad: No there are not! Look, I will eat them. See?
Toni: Dad, look at all the clear jelly stuff. They are raw.
My Dad: They are not raw; this is how the Europeans eat them.
Toni: Dad… no… just no.
My Mom: Toni don’t be ridiculous.
Toni: Mom, you are not going to be the one who has to deal with a sick child.
My Dad: Rocky Balboa ate raw eggs.
Munch: Mamma, I don’t know if I like these. They are not right.
Toni: Okay fine. Munch I will fry you some eggs.
Munch: But I want eggs in the shell.
Toni: Let me just fry them for you. It will be quicker.
Munch: But I want eggs in the shell.
Toni: Jesus Christ. Fine. Mom, where is the pot to boil water?
My Mom: Everyone out of the kitchen, I will make the eggs.

Of course my mom’s eggs were only slightly less raw than my dad’s, but I kept my mouth shut…. and we were so early for the plane, we took the shuttle that left an hour before our scheduled flight.