I find taking a bath with the baby to be seriously fun. They way I do it, is rest her on my thighs so she is facing me, and my legs are like a baby shelf. I then take a face cloth, and squeeze water over her providing a little waterfall effect for her. It is a really nice time to spend together because babies adore the bath, and you are pretty much guaranteed they are going to be in a good mood. I do it right before getting her ready for bed because the warm water makes her sleepy.

I have to warn you, bathing with the baby does come with some risk… and I will tell the truth… it comes at a cost. It happened to me, my friends… it happened to me.

So there I was… listening to soothing music, low lights setting a calm mood, lavender scented candles burning, staring in my baby’s pretty eyes. And there she was… lightly patting the water with her little hand, taking deep breaths as she began to get tired, and staring into my eyes. It was such a moment. It seemed so beautiful. So serene. Almost spiritual. It was as if she was looking into the depths of my soul… seeing my very essence with her penetrating gaze. The intensity of her focus made me feel like our hearts were speaking. And then… it happened. She pooed. In the bath. With me in it.

“So that is what the contemplative stare was all about.”

As the water began to transform into a sea of baby shit, I was in quite a bind. I didn’t want to freak out and traumatize her. After all… she normally just shits when she has to. No questions asked. But I have to admit, as I thought about poo seeping into the crevasses of my body, I started to feel a bit horrified. So I stood up. Now the poo water only up to my shins, as I held my shit-covered baby. Now what? I don’t want to put her down, because she is coated in shit, and then I would get shit on her towel. Fuck.

I stood there dripping with shit water until I had an idea. That idea was to get rid of the poop water. Brilliant… I know. Where do I come up with this stuff? I immersed my hand into the cesspool, and unplugged the bath. Since I was unwilling to put my shit covered feet on the floor to get another towel, I just stood there. Waiting. Waiting for the bath to train, and the poo to disappear.

Once the bath drained, I then took the showerhead and rinsed us off like elephants, and did my best to wash the inside of the bath. Now what? We weren’t in the bath that long and we were having fun. So I drew another bath, because it is still well worth the risk.