Everyone is fucked up.  Sorry.  But they are. You are too.  Don’t get defensive! We all are.  It is not your fault, and it also totally is!

We are born into this world as perfect beings, but with imperfect people as our guardians.  Our parents, caregivers, teachers, friends, they all have their own problems, and their deficiencies will effect you.  Then there are life circumstances, cultural influences, societal pressures, and the internalization of it all that is ultimately corrupting.  By the time you are a grown adult, you are totally fucked up in a variety of ways!

We all have a context of why we are the way we are, and I think we need to have compassion for each other because of that.  Yet at the same time we also have to take responsibility for why we suck, and address it as much as possible.  Even though I can blame my parents for all the things I don’t like about myself, (and they would deserve it too) I also need to realize that I am the master of my own personality.  I have the capacity to change – I just have to be self-motivated to do so.

But I like to think I am capable of evolution, and so I want to think you are as well.  Because if you can’t change, then how the hell can I?  And since we have deal with each other in a range of intimate relationships, the tendency is to want to fix the people we love – not only so they are less annoying to be around, but also so they can be happier people (and so they are less annoying to be around).

I feel like I am always trying to fix people and their problems, because they seem so much more manageable than my own.  It is infinitely easier telling you how to live your life, then trying to figure out the best way to live mine.  And then I get emotionally invested in the people that I want to fix, because they have taken up so much of my psychic real estate.  I love them, and their path seems so obvious from my outsider’s perspective.  It is almost like I want to direct their life as if it were on screen, rather than face the confusion of my own existence.

If I can fix you then maybe, just maybe, I can fix me!  Or at least distract myself from all the self-fixing I should be focusing on!

But over the weekend The Munch ruined everything!  She was playing with her tools and talking to me about how we really need more people to be true.  She was pretending to hammer a nail into my leg, so I asked her what was she doing….

Munch: I am trying to fix you Mom.  But you know what?

Toni: What?

Munch:  I can’t.

Toni: You can’t fix me?

Munch: No Mamma I really can’t.  You just can’t fix other people Mom.

Ohhhhhh now I get it!