You know when you are living your life and someone comes along and tells you how to live it? They not only offer, but insist on giving you advice you didn’t ask for, or want, and makes you want to pants them when they aren’t looking. Being a new parent, I am target for people to tell me how to live even though last time I checked I was just trying to get them to pass the peas.

For instance, I was at a dinner, minding my own business when someone asked me if The Munch was sleeping through the night.

“No… not yet. I am not sure if it is because she still sleeps in the bed with me, or it’s just the way she is….”

“Well you know Toni, you can’t sleep with her forever. You are going to have to get her in her own bed before she is in high school.”

Yeah… I know…. She is not even 1.

Then there was a time when I was sitting outside with The Munch and she put a rock in her mouth. So I did what I think any rational person would do… I took the rock out of her mouth.

“You know Toni, it is good for babies to be exposed to dirt. You can’t Windex the world.”

Ummmmm… Yeah. I get it. She can eat dirt like cupcakes if she wants. I just don’t think a rock in her mouth is good for her teeth or esophagus.

Another instance, she was practicing her standing and then fell over and cried. I didn’t freak out and call an ambulance mind you. I just picked her up to hug her.

“You know Toni… babies fall. You can’t protect them from everything.”

Okay… I know babies fall. They just sometimes liked to be hugged when they are crying.

It is one thing if you ask for advice because you are looking for guidance… but when someone slaps you with it, doesn’t it kind of makes me want to slap them back? Not in the face mind you… because that is too provocative. On the ass. It makes me feel as if people assume I am not thinking of these things myself. Like if they didn’t say anything I would be sleeping between The Munch and her new husband on their honeymoon while swabbing her with Clorox, and fastening her knee and elbow pads.