Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex? Who do you think that is more embarrassing for?  Them? Or You?  Although it may not be ideal to have someone witness the throws of your primal passion, the fornicators are still innocent in this equation.  Unless you are going at it with the door open, it is not as if you wanted to be exposed.  The person intruding is the one who is truly at fault for walking in without knocking right?  I think it is definitely worse for the person doing the walking in… especially because they are the ones left with the visual charred into their retinas.

But why is the thought of your parents mashing genitals so horrifying?  I mean I guess when you break it down; it is a silly thing to do.  Yet perhaps the reason why we resist picturing mom getting an internal penile massage from dad is that we can’t handle the idea of our own conception.  The existential crisis of where we came from is too much to handle.  Not to mention the fact that no one wants to see their mother as a sexual being.  There is just a conflict of interests there.

I have a pretty epic walking in on my parents doing the nasty scenario.  I was with my 3 friends, Bitty, Elizabeth, and Sally.  We were coming home from the beach, and for some reason felt the need to find my mom to tell her something.  What exactly that was I can never be sure, as the proceeding events were just too traumatizing – resulting in momentary amnesia.

We walked single file up the stairs, and without knocking, I nonchalantly opened my mom’s bedroom door.  It was in the middle of the afternoon after all.  What I saw was so surprising that all I could do was stop in my tracks.  But since my friends were following closely behind, my halting made Bitty crash into me, which made Elizabeth crash into her, which made Sally crash into her.  The cascading domino effect only pushed me further into the room, as we all stumbled closer to their bed.

Luckily my parents are very modest in their lovemaking, and were under the covers, but my dad jumped off my mom faster than I had ever seen him move.

Toni: OH MY GOD!

My Dad: We were just washing the dog!

Toni: Ahhhhhh!!

I turned to get out of there, but instead careened into Bitty, who then fell into Elizabeth, who in turn staggered into Sally.  We were like the 7 dwarves, or the 3 Stooges… expect we were 4 preteen girls bumping into each other madly.  We were so flustered it took an absurdly long time to coordinate our exit, all the while my parents telling me that they were just washing our dog Fiona.

Well, I guess Fiona got pretty clean that day.