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  • #HimToo

    Oh dear. The counter crusade of the #metoo movement has been birthed. #HimToo has passed through the psychic canal and squeezed its collective consciousness into the time space continuum. Mind you, #HimToo is not referring to men who have also experienced sexual assault, but rather men who are in threat of being accused of sexual assault. This effort is… SURPRISE… currently building its base at Trump rallies where people believe that men need to be protected from women and their rampant “false accusations” of sexual assault. Much like the concept of #alllivesmatter there seems to be a panic in the air, polluting the pristine noses of those white faces shaded by red hats.

    My initial reaction to this was to be expected. A quite rage that filled my being with a toxic energetic putridness that could only be contained through deep breaths, focused meditation, and of course screaming “WHAT THE FUCK?” to an empty room. Yet after I did a few sun salutations I wanted to better understand the logic behind this thinking. Am I in fact a different species than other Americans? How can we think so differently? I needed to mentally grasp this discrepancy.

    My plan was to see this as an anthropological inquiry and channel Jane Goodall – observe “the other’s” behavior while taking scrupulous notes with my hair tied back in a low ponytail. Sadly, I didn’t have access to a Trump rally to question these thinkers myself, so I went to my next best source. Youtube videos.

    After watching a few interviews about their perspective regarding the need for #HimToo – I have identified the main points of their rational.

    1) A left-wing conspiracy: Ohhh you got me there MAGA devotees! I also am a BIG believer in conspiracies and often question the “official story” provided by the mainstream news outlets which are beholden to the whims of big business and corporate interests. On any given day I can find myself questioning if Hillary Clinton is in fact a lizard person from the Palladian system, if the Federal Reserve is run by corrupt aliens, or how all of mankind is an experimentation of some other conscious creature. I’m open! Perhaps the earth is flat? Who knows… I’ve never been to space and the only people that have are people indoctrinated by NASA, otherwise known as THE GOVERNMENT! Granted I also think to seduce people with conspiracy theories is the ultimate conspiracy. The internet has been flooded with conspiracies to oversaturate the market – making everything obsolete. I believe in questioning, but I’m not sure we’ll ever know the truth about anything because there is too much information to sift through. You can have the internet prove whatever you want. You can “prove” vaccines are good just as you can “prove” they are a ploy headed by Bill Gates to poison the poor for population control and emptying out Africa so the rich can take over its resources once the apocalypse comes. Everything is absurd because so many absurd theories are out there. I too live in a post-truth paradigm so I understand the mistrust these people feel when it comes to “tearing down our leaders.”
    2) “We have to protect our Sons” This was mostly women claiming this rhetoric. I have sons, I have brothers, I have a father – I have to protect them from these slut women who want to trap them with their whorish ways and then blame my boys. Sigh. For one, I think the main issue is these women identify more with men’s needs than their own. They have internalized the patriarchal viewpoint that a man’s life is of greater value, therefor they are the cultural priority. I think for these women the fear of one man being falsely accused is more crucial than the millions of women are actually sexually assaulted. The justice system is highly flawed but I think for all of human history the scales have been tipped in favor of the man, not the woman, when it comes to rape. The research around “false accusations” of rape shows that its very uncommon – especially considering the stigma attached to coming forward. Of course, a false claim has happened, yet I think it has impacted black men more than white. In the times of pre-Civil Rights white women did accuse many black men of rape when they were having a consensual sexual relationship to avoid the social consequences of their actions. This was a phenomenon in our dark history, yet I don’t think the Trump supporters are talking about this. I think the women coming forward for Brett or Donny are motivated not by lies, but rather not wanting a rapist to be president of part of the Supreme court.
    3) Why didn’t they come forward before?: This was a big one for the men – not understanding why these women waited so long to say something. They just can’t seem to wrap their heads around how experiencing trauma would keep you quiet, or how the fear of not being believed is an exponential trauma. I find this perspective problematic because it lacks any sense of empathy that perhaps different people have different reactions to violence. I feel like these guys don’t understand the humiliation/ /shame/vulnerability of rape and think of it like getting punched in the face. They assume it’s a simple assault that should be simply dealt with simply. Just go get a rape kit, like that’s exactly what you want to do right after getting violated – have a police woman re-violate you to prove it happened. It’s a shallow analysis of what these women actually go through. I wish these men would witness some sexual assault victim support groups and get a better understanding of the psychological impact of rape before allowing their assumptions to prevail regarding how women “should” respond.

  • The Pointlessness of Arguing

    For the past 15 years I’ve been slapping my opinion onto the collective table of the internet. I’ve dealt a variety of different cards during this time – sketch comedy, music videos, stand up, written blogs, memes – shuffling through my consciousness in a desperate attempt to be heard. Why I have this compulsion to broadcast my thoughts is not exactly clear. The short answer is obviously because I feel like I have something to say and the long answer dates back to my childhood insomnia fueled by a quantum entanglement with my father so we’ll just leave it at that.

    When you feed yourself to the wolves you can’t complain about getting eaten alive. I’ve learned to grow a dense hide in order to protect my ass from the hate. There are times I create something and receive nothing but praise (thanks mom!) but there are plenty of other times my work tickles the taint of those that don’t share my view point, humor, or politics, and I am then flooded with a deluge of zealous condemnation.

    I recently made a video entitled “Is that Rape?” inspired by the adorable Brett Kavanaugh and his charming “who cares if I assault women” attitude. I knew when I made this video that not everyone was going to clap their chubby little hands in approval, and boy was I not mistaken. I got plenty of comments calling me a “libtard” to remark on how dumb and how unfunny I am, with even some really sweet annotations wishing violence upon my being. The internet is so cute!

    To me the problem isn’t that people disagree, it’s how they disagree.

    If you think about our educational system, there isn’t a lot of emphasis on learning the art of dialogue. In the times when the Greeks were developing the concept of democracy, the process of dialogue was HIGHLY regarded as one of the most crucial and pivotal personal aptitudes. Socrates’ entire philosophy was based on the importance of dialogue. He didn’t concern himself exclusively on what the topic of the discussion was, but rather how the topic was discussed. He encouraged a deep knowledge of how to have a conversation because the contents of that conversation were of lesser importance.

    So, what happened? America boasts that we’re the “greatest democracy in the world” (we’re not) and yet there is zero attention paid to the most basic and fundamental principal of democracy. How can the people rule when the people can’t talk to each other? I find myself getting into arguments with humans I mostly agree with simply because they don’t know how to have a productive session of listening and exchanging. Don’t you feel like it’s time we make the art of dialogue a priority again?

    No one knows how to argue because very few people are open minded enough to allow their consciousness to expand. When you have a political view, or some moral commitment, you tend to build a narrative that supports your thinking. We construct our reality in order not to challenge our construction of reality. Once you have committed to seeing the world in a certain way, you are often too afraid to re-think your thinking because then what does that mean about the reality you’ve created around it?

    But here is the issue. You can create any reality you want. I could just as easily create a reality where Brett is a victim of nasty liberal feminists trying to take him down because of their venomous ways, as I could the reality that he is in fact quite rapey and has no place on the Supreme Court (much like Clarence Thomas). There are plenty of “facts” out there to support either position.

    Where we are failing each other is not acknowledging that everyone’s reality is valid to them. Even those that we vehemently disagree with, they still have a sense of reality that’s based on logic. Their logic may seem crazy pants to you, but it’s logical to them. When we act like the other side is just a bunch of dumb dumbs without rational for their viewpoints we are ignoring an unavoidable truth. 99% of people have REASONS they think they way they do, and if you’re not curious about their reasons and instead just toss insults and disdain we will never have constructive dialogue.

    Everyone’s relationship to reality is born from the data and processing power in front of them. There is a reasoning system that humans apply which means that all points are valid, regardless of how much they might enrage you. That’s not the point. The point of dialogue isn’t to think someone’s an idiot for seeing the world differently than you, but rather to have a dialogue deconstructing why. We are ALL the consequences of our programming. We have all been conditioned by our parents, society, and our life experiences. The question then becomes how do you take that reality internally and implement it externally? There has got to be a better way than calling people “cunts” on the internet.

    What if we argued less and talked more? What if we understood that we’re all victims of structures of power, and that even those supporting these high-rises of oppression are still slaves to it? What if we stopped wasting all this energy screaming about who’s right and instead worked towards a greater understanding of what’s to be done?

  • I’m Sorry I Tried to Rape You

    The sexual assault accusation of Brett Kavanaugh is one of nuance, and if there is one thing our American political system avoids, it’s complex thought. The media is struggling to box this story up into a black and white package, which is hard to do when a woman feels she experienced an attempted rape and the man feels like, “what?” Men like Fox news columnist Stephen Miller chalking the whole scene up to “drunk teenagers playing 7 minutes in heaven,” makes me wonder if Miller understands that HEAVEN usually doesn’t entail someone holding you down and trying to force themselves inside of you. If that’s your idea of heaven sweetie, I know a place for you to experience that… Prison!

    If I look at this story from a meta perspective, it’s obvious to me why many men don’t want to classify this it as a crime. For Kavanaugh to pay the price of what he did as a 17-year old (as if that’s the ONLY time he acted this way which I highly doubt) then what kind of snowball effect would that have on other men? What are the standards of which we should hold men accountable to for assaulting women? Men don’t want to set that precedent because of the fear that too many of them will go down in flames.

    Women speaking out about this situation are begging for retribution. They want to expand the definition of punishable assault because, go figure, most people don’t like to be attacked and forced to do things they don’t want to do. They want Kavanaugh to be held accountable in order for our society to have higher standards. They want a more intricate understanding of assault, because for many, even if the penis never makes it inside of you, the trauma is just as significant.

    I have read countless stories of women voicing the need for us to redefine our understanding of how rape violence impacts victims, and men saying “hey honey, it’s not that big of a deal.”

    Who I haven’t really heard from is the MILLIONS OF MEN THAT ARE ALSO AFFECTED BY RAPE CULTURE AND COULD PERHAPS SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE THAT RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T JUST IMPACT WOMEN WHO ARE RAPED BY ACTUALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!

    There are MANY men that I know who would NEVER be handsy, rapey, or inappropriate. I even know men who can’t watch porn because it feels too degrading towards the actress and they empathize with her and the life experience that brought her to have two dicks stuffed in one ass. There are so many men who don’t rape or assault others. Call me old fashioned, but I have a lot more trust in the morality of a man who doesn’t rape than a man who does.

    Who is the kind of guy that rapes or attempts to rape? Men who want what they want, when they want it. They want power over others. They want to show their strength. They have no concern of the consequence of their actions on other people’s lives. They prioritize their own needs over the feelings of the person they are with. These men use psychological and physical violence to get their way.

    This begs the question who are these guys when they are not busy raping? I’ll tell you who they’re not – Mr. Rogers that’s for damn sure. The type of guy that is open to raping is also the type of guy that is spreading that same forceful energy in every aspect of his life. Everyone is impacted by the energy of rapey men. We need to examine how rape culture is directly destroying the planet – how rape culture is effecting the environment, business, media, politics, war, weapons, the world economy, men, women, and children. Rape culture is so insidiously ingrained in the patriarchy that it’s often hard to identify.

    The micro is the macro. That’s why this current media cyclone is not just about Brett being a little too aggressive one night. It’s also about do we want this kind of man, this kind of thinker, IN CONTROL OF OUR NATIONAL LAWS? I don’t! That’s why this is important. Rape culture can’t be the prevailing foundation of which we build our lives upon, and rapists cannot continue be the ones in control of the future.

    There are men out there who have raped, who have assaulted, who have pressured, and they have owned their actions. They have admitted what they did and apologized to the people involved. Beyond prison, I think what we also want is for rapists to understand the hurt they caused. For the event to change the assaulter as much as it changed the victim. If one is emotionally mature enough to acknowledge and take responsibility for the hurt they caused, then mostly likely that awareness would seep into all aspects of their life. These men are our allies too. It takes way more balls to be able to say “I’m sorry I raped you,” than it does to rape. I believe in personal evolution. I believe that people can realize the trauma they caused and have genuine remorse. I believe there is a place for them to be forgiven. Yet if you are going around raping people and then defending or denying your actions, then what else are you capable of? How else will you psychically rape the people you are around, or emotionally rape the system you have power in? I don’t want a rapist ruling this country. I don’t want rapists ruling business. I don’t want rapists in control because they don’t just rape people, they rape period.

    Rather than arguing about “is this attempted rape really that bad” why don’t we instead focus on not giving power to men why try to rape. In the priesthood, in Hollywood, in politics, in business, in all these circumstances where men exploit their power over others. If we take down the rapists we take down the patriarchy. If we take down the patriarchy we will have the revolution we’ve been looking for. The change we have been craving. The desire to live life as we know is possible. If we want a paradigm shift it starts with this. If we want to reform Wall Street it starts with this. Rape is not a woman’s problem, it’s the world’s problem.