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Top Ten Reasons Being an Adult Sucks

1. You spend all your time making money, so you can spend all your money making time.
2. You work hard to buy a home just to work as hard inside your home.
3. There is no summer vacation from your job – unless you work at a school but then you are back at school.
4. There are young people who poop their pants and old people who poop their pants who you are expected to take care of.
5. All the power of your imagination that once relished in creating characters out of toothpicks turns into an anxiety that can only be suppressed with the right combination of Xanax and white wine.
6. Your body starts to breaks down as various folds of flesh fall while orifices and crevasses emit an increasingly distinct odor.
7. You wake up tired.
8. You have to watch what you eat – not just as it comes towards your mouth.
9. Once thrilled by the chase of childhood tag, you’re are now pursued and haunted by failed dreams.
10. You are that much closer to death.

(Yup… this picture pretty much sums up my adult life)


7 Responses to Top Ten Reasons Being an Adult Sucks

  1. Laszlo Nagy says:

    Toni this is too depressing. There is truth of course in much of this but this stuff ultimately only becomes as real as one allows it. You already know how I have boycotted the 30’s as a decade. 20 year olds and 40 year olds of the world unite. One need not bow to negative voices in one’s head because in a sense these voices are uninvited guests who are as boorish as they are boring.

  2. Emma says:

    Ah yes, this – imagination is no longer our friend.

    5. All the power of your imagination that once relished in creating characters out of toothpicks turns into an anxiety that can only be suppressed with the right combination of Xanax and white wine.

  3. Oz says:

    1. you will acquire a new found inner black hole void of emptiness that no amount of entertainment boose or substance abuse can fill.

    2. you will shed a single tear for no reason watching a commercial on tv and feel really sad for no apparent reason but the sneaking suspicion that it’s because they finally killed your inner child and you can’t find it.

    3.you realise that the purpose of your life is to have your patience pushed to its limits by ignorant people everyday and find ways to deal with them without getting arrested.

    4. all those fond old memories don’t mean anything in the present – so in essence you realise they were pointless and so is anything you do now.

    5. the price tag for chasing your dreams starts to look to expensive and giving up starts to look like a more attractive option

    6. going to sleep is the best part of the day.

    7. happiness gets replaced by being content, as in i’m quite content with the amount of suffering i endured today, it’s about half as much as yesterday.

    8. most people will disappoint you.

    9. everybody you interact with will wan’t something from you – not like in high school when you spent time with people just cos

    10. absolutely nothing will make sense, not your memories not your hopes not your present , emotions or thoughts…nothing.

  4. toni says:

    Hahahhahahahha Oz…. awsum…

    That brought me infinite joy

  5. Number 6 is the one that sneaks up on you. Curse you number 6! Everytime your body starts falling apart you gotta pay tons and tons of money to bandage the problem for another 10 years or so until it’s no longer fixable. Dentures, botox, hair plugs, liposuction, boob lifts, butt lifts, and mole removal, are all proof of this.

  6. andy says:

    You forgot one reason why being an adult sucks: no matter how bad it gets, or how old you get, you still try to convince yourself that the hell you’re in is only temporary.

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