The older I get the less I want to do things for other people.  Time is so precious… it is like a little glass egg that you have to cradle in your armpit to keep warm.  You don’t want to go around wasting your time on someone else.  You want to covet it like a troll under a bridge, petting it while whispering a secret language.

But you know when you are totally reckless with your time?  Where you throw it around like a flaccid dishrag?  When your genitals are involved.

People do the craziest shit for sex. When you are lusting after someone, you will do things for them you wouldn’t do for your own sick mother.

For example, my friend was texting me the other day asking how long I would be in NYC for.

Toni: I will be back Sunday. Why you ask?

My friend: I am just driving down on Monday and thought maybe I would see you.

Toni: Why are you driving to NY Monday?

My friend: To drive the Boy to the airport.  He is leaving for Costa Rica.

Toni: Holy fuck you are driving 5 hours there, and 5 hours back, to bring his ass to the airport? Damn girl.  You are a nice person.

My friend: Not really… just want as much time as I can get with him.

WHAT?!  I wouldn’t drive someone to the airport if I were living 10 minutes from the airport! That is what public transportation is for!!

But hey, I have done some insane things for my fur burger too.  I once flew to California for 24 hours to see a boy I liked.  When I was 17 I drove through a blizzard to see my boyfriend who lived 2 hours away and was already drunk and passed out.  I once made out in a field and knowingly let myself be on the bottom where I of course contracted poison ivy and an infestation of bugs.

When all the blood is in you nether regions you can’t think straight. But that is the thing about new love that I think people enjoy most.  How it momentarily frees you from caring about anything else.   There is something intoxicating about being possessed by your pubic parts – when nothing else matters but rubbing yourself against them.  Your body becomes a priority and your mind can rest from all that reasoning it usually has to do.  It is like a break from the chaos of dealing with your thoughts.

I kind of need to know the insane things you have done to satisfy your wingy-ding or fuzzy-wuzzy.  TELL ME!

(To encourage you opening up and reveling your personal story,  I am posting the strangest picture of me of all time.  I am 14 years old and look like a HARLOT! My best friend Bitty and I got dressed up for the fun of it … I am pretty sure she did my make up.  The craziest thing about this though is that I am also pretty sure my MOM took this picture! WHAT WAS GOING ON??! RIDICULOUS!!)