You know how when you go the doctors they ask you all these questions about your symptoms before they examine you? I never really understood that because if my nipples had a black oily discharge I am pretty sure I would have noticed and mentioned it before they asked me. “Hey Doc! So I have this nasty cold, my throat hurts, and I have had a headache for days. What did you say?? Oh yeah… in fact my areolas have been leaking bile! Never thought to mention that. Thanks.”
I guess the logic is that there maybe be other indicators of what is going on with your body that you may not have thought to reference… so fine.
When I have a health problem I go see my 5th generation acupuncturist/Chinese herbalist – Dan Dan. Let me begin by saying Dan Dan is a sorceress and has helped me with a variety of issues. I am forever indebted to her witchy ways. She seriously is magic. Yet she too has a long dialogue with me while trying to get to the bottom of my malady as she reads my pulse. Considering English is not her first language, and her healing methods are not exactly conventional, these conversations can get pretty confusing.
Dan Dan: When you wake up, you taste acid?
Toni: Acid? Ummm, I don’t think so?
Dan Dan: Does mouth taste bitter? Like licking stomach of dead rat?
Toni: I mean my mouth doesn’t taste great when I first wake up. But I am not sure it ever has.
Dan Dan: I think you have damp energy here in lower stomach.
Toni: Oh… okay.
Dan Dan: Does your vagina have whiskers?
Toni: What? Whiskers?
Dan Dan: Whisper. Does your vagina whisper?
Toni: I am pretty sure it can keep a secret….
Dan Dan: Are you very thirsty?
Toni: No more than usual.
Dan Dan: But you drink water.
Toni: Don’t we have to in order to stay alive?
Dan Dan: Is it really smelly when you pee? Like rotten rain?
Toni: More like purple rain.
Dan Dan: How is appetite? Are you not hungry?
Toni: Well, I wasn’t that hungry yesterday, but I was hungry today?
Dan Dan: So you not hungry, then so very hungry, then eat very much, then no care about eating, then very hungry, then eat, then not hungry?
Toni: Ummm yeah… that sounds about right.
Dan Dan: So you very thirsty yes?
Toni: Now that we keep talking about it I am.
Dan Dan: When the scissors change makes people very tired.
Toni: Scissors?
Dan Dan: Yeah. The scissors is changing and every thing grow. Energy up. If your stomach spring not working, feel very lazy. Need to eat different every scissor. Now is not a good time to eat vinegar. In fall you eat vinegar.
Toni: Wait, my stomach has a spring?
Dan Dan: No. Stomach and spleen.
Toni: That makes sense. So with the seasons changing and spring coming, the energy has this upward momentum. So if your body is not functioning properly you are really fatigued.
Dan Dan: Yes, and if stomach spleen liver gallbladder working, you go up with energy. Feel light. You very thirsty yes?
Toni: I seriously need some water now.
(For some reason part of my treatment is wheat sugar made of rice that expires 12 months from now… whenever now is?)
