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The Left Wing Tea Party and The Church of Conspiracy Curiosity

I know that everyone thinks Bernie Sanders supporters are their most annoying Facebook friends. Personally, I think we aren’t annoying enough. Just as the right has their Tea Party, it’s time the far left, who believe in the ruling lizard elite, build real political power and replace party members who don’t share our values. I want a congressmember who openly questions the Federal Reserve and a Senator who believes in chem trails. We need elected officials who genuinely question the status quo and don’t dismiss alternative understanding of politics as conspiracy theories.

If the far right can elect extremists who influence the Republican party, we far leftists need to get the aliens that live in that hollow space station scientists call the “moon” to start influencing ours!

Half of all Americans think our presidential nomination system is rigged. Millions question if their votes are counted. Bernie supporters are widely discontent with this system, who believe the current paradigm of the ruling 1% is devastating to the future. They can’t just be brushed aside, and need to be taken seriously. We’re spreading like HPV — soon everyone’s genitals will have traces of it.

The Democrat’s slogan might as well be “Better than that guy, but still fuck you.” This endless war on terror will continue under a Clinton regime and fossil fuels will continue to be sucked from the earth like the enthusiastic blow job of a first date. The prison industrial complex will still shatter communities nationwide, and most alarmingly, the unsustainable profit model of Wall Street and the big banks will continue as business as usual.

I know the rhetoric “progress takes time,” “you can’t build Rome in a day,” and “always wipe from front to back,” but nothing great has ever been accomplished by succumbing to convention. We need to break the rules and try something new. Maybe every generation feels this way, but holy shit I feel like we are genuinely running out of time. I don’t know about you guys, but I never see articles about the environment that are like, “You know what? Let’s keep this up. We’re gonna be fine.”

The difference between the power of the far right and the far left is two unifying forces we don’t have: super rich donors who bankroll their movement, and religion.
Sure we have “spirituality” and 97 recipes for Kale, but the bible ties people together much more tightly because of their common fear of hell. Yeah on the left we are genuinely terrified of gluten, but no one would go to war over that. Yet.

Not only do we need billionaires to fund this movement, (which might be tricky since we are trying to dismantle the paradigm that empowers billionaires), but we also need a united belief system. I suggest the Church of Conspiracy; political spirituality mixed with how jet fuel can’t melt steel beams. I’m not saying I believe every conspiracy out there, or that sound vibrations built the pyramids, but I am saying I don’t blindly buy the official story of anything. If the mainstream media reports it, I have to question it.

I don’t think there is some evil overlord named Zolong who is planning everything from 9/11 to the Boston Bombing (although I am not saying Zolong doesn’t exist either). I do think that there are many people invested in a system that is out of control. When the system benefits you, of course you will do anything to maintain it – even if that means selling your soul to Zolong. The system itself is the problem, and the people propping it up need to pushed out of power in order for a new one to form.

Sure, any democrat is better than Trump, but the ethos Bernie represents if far more interesting and crucial than avoiding Melania as First Lady. I don’t think there has to be a civil war within the Democratic party, but rather an acknowledgement that if we want change, we need to be bold. It’s not about rhetoric or pandering to centrists, but a genuine belief system that doesn’t tolerate greed and destruction.

I’m ready to join this party! We can be just as wacky as the right wing, but less scary because we will all be a bit tired from avoiding GMO’s all day.

toni gita floor

4 Responses to The Left Wing Tea Party and The Church of Conspiracy Curiosity

  1. aallia says:

    “the democratic slogan might as well just be “better than that guy, but still fuck you.”” Gold.

  2. Laszlo Nagy says:

    The ever freshness of your thought and the wild funny way in which it is delivered is a kind of evergreen thing making me at a bare minimum a great admirer of the Church of Conspiracy Curiosity.

  3. Chris says:

    I think you have got something. One thing you can do is read Mark, yeah, the Gospel according to Mark. Jesus did not think of himself as God, or even Christian. What he was, at least as close to his first hand idea of what he was, was a person who believed that he could live justly under the most oppressive regime that had existed up to that time. He did not create a religion that divided itself off and put on airs. He created no religion. He said that if we love each other, feed each other, care for each other – no matter what the oppressors are telling us to do – we will get through this thing and actually thrive. So if you can get that radical Jesus on your side, because he actually is, then you get a lot of people thinking that maybe you have a good idea.

  4. olga davidson says:

    Toni, what on earth are you talking about! Who is this Zolong? Oolong as auto-correct is trying to suggest? What is all this stuff about chem trails? Are you talikng about snails? Really, Child! Also, the Tea Party movement was astro-turf, not grass roots and it has destroed the Republican Party. The country is going to the left but please, lets be sensible and leave conspiracy theories out of it.

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