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The Happiest Baby on the Block

Even if you have been around babies before, newborns are an entirely different species. They have these floppy heads, they make faces that have absolutely no correlation to any emotion, they have no control of their arms and legs that just flail about… in short… they are not really humans yet. It is like they are little exposed embryos.

I decided maybe I would try to read up on these mysterious beings, and came across a book called “The Happiest Baby on the Block.” What an enticing title right? Who doesn’t want the happiest baby on the block? Because that is not just a happy baby… but the happiest. Like no other baby will have more joy in their hearts than your baby. If you read this book, your baby’s happiness will crush all the other babies and you will win! Sounds awesome… I am sold!

The book talks about how the first three months of life for a baby are really like the 4th trimester. Meaning, in order for the baby to feel at peace, you have to re-create the womb as much as possible. The author suggests 5 strategies to make your little snuggle bunny feel like they are still stuffed up your vagina.

1) Shhhhh(ing): The sound of shhhhhh is not just something you say just to get someone to shut the hell up. It is also a noise that soothes babies like you wouldn’t believe. Supposedly… it mimics the noise the baby heard in the womb of blood rushing around all the veins and arteries and the like. And not just a soft shhhhh noise either…. But a pretty hearty SHHHHHHHH. I am telling you, this works like a charm.
2) Swaddling: Basically this means that you take a blanket, and wrap your baby up like a baby burrito. Newborns have a reflex called the “moroe reflex” that shoots their arms out
3) Swinging: Really… it is more of a jiggling… but I think the author was sticking to the whole S theme. Babies were jiggled around in your belly the whole time they were in there, and that movement totally soothes them. Crazy town right? You don’t want to be still for them to at peace… you want to jiggle them! Sometimes I would put her on my lap facing me, and just bounce my legs like I was super nervous, and she would go right to sleep.
4) Side-laying: This one wasn’t that important for me, but a lot of babies like to lay on their side when in your arms. The book talks about facing the babies out, but I always faced my baby in towards me and it was more of a side tilt.
5) Sucking: I know there are all sorts of conversations regarding the pacifier… my baby never took one. I tried, and she just spat that shit right out like she thought I was trying to fuck with her. So she is all about sucking on my nip. But the sucking, whether they are hungry or not, will soothe them. They somehow can figure out how to suck to get food, or just suck to suck… you can actually feel the difference.

This advice has helped me so much I cannot even tell you. I have yet to have more than a few minutes with my baby crying because of these great tools. Now, I totally know that every baby is different, and some are more sensitive, then others… but I am just saying that this really helped me and it is totally worth trying!

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