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The Difference Between a Poo and a Fart

If you sleep with your baby, or near your baby, chances are you are going to hear ever gurgle, sigh, and breath that comes out of their body. I think this hyper awareness has to do with the mother instinct, and you just have to accept it. From this point forward, you are going to sleep with one eye open, and with the ears of a wolf.

As such, I think one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to distinguish the difference between the sound of a poo, and a fart.

When I am sleeping, and I hear what I think to be a giant poo, I immediately feel the pressure. No matter how tired I am, or how little I want to get up, I really don’t want my baby sleeping in poo. It just doesn’t seem right.

So, I get up, bring her to her changing table, un-swaddle her, and take off her diaper, and low and behold nothing. Sure, there is some pee, but no poo. False alarm. It was just a fart.

Now she is awake, and I am awake, all because of a fart. An ethereal fart… that could have just been an accent to our dreams. The punctuation to our slumber. But no. Now we are both up, and I have to rock her to seduce her to sleep so she doesn’t feel like it is time to party with Vince Vaughn.

After a few too many times of this happening, I decided the best thing I had to become a vigilant listener to what he poos and farts sounded like. This is my research.

1) A fart has a more pronounced sound. It is louder.
2) A poo has a more gurgling sound. You can sometimes here the moisture.
3) A fart comes with noises of discomfort, but they vocal grunts.
4) A poo comes also with noises of discomfort, but they are more guttural.
5) A poo is accompanied with pushing noises that exceed the original noise. The pushing at times leads to more farting/pooing sounds.

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