As much as I wanted a girl, I cannot even begin to explain the extreme horror around my particular little girl and clothes. Wait, okay fine… maybe her issues aren’t predicated on gender, and that is my assumption – but holy crap balls is The Munch living up to the stereo type. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who cares more about what they wear, and that is including that time I hung out in a dressing room during fashion week.

Sometimes I want to take The Munch, and throw her naked out into the snow she is so unreasonable – especially considering she isn’t Siri Cruz with the paparazzi following her every move.

For one, she doesn’t want to change her clothes. Ever. Which would be okay if I did laundry every night, but wtf! First of all no. No one does laundry every night. And second of all, that would be wasting a lot of water.

Maybe you are thinking, “Toni, just let her wear the same thing, who cares if it’s dirty?” And you know what? Some times I do just that. But days and days and days will go by and things get really gross! Like the other day she was jumping on the trampoline, slipped, slammed her face, and bit through her lip. She was covered in blood, and yet not only wanted to wear her Hello Kitty dress to bed (which I let her), but also the next!? She looked like American Psycho – The Toddler Version. It was disturbing.

So we got in a huge fight about her having to change her clothes, and I think this one pushed me off the cliff of sanity.

Munch: NO MAMMA NOOOOO! I WANT TO WEAR MY KITTY DRESS WAHHHAHHHHAAAAA!
Toni: Munch, you have been wearing that dress for a week now. I need to wash it. It has blood stains all over it.
Munch: BUT I WANT TO WEAR MY HELLO KITTY DRESS! WAHHHAHHHHA!!
Toni: Dude, I will wash it, and you can wear it tomorrow. But you can’t go to dance class like that. People will think you are a murder.
Munch: Well, can I wear my other Hello Kitty shirt?
Toni: I don’t know where that one is. Here, wear your purple shirt. Or your fairy dress.
Munch: NOOOOOOOOO I WANT TO WEAR MY HELLO KITTY SHIRT!! WAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
Toni: Munch, this is so irrational You have all these clothes to wear, and you don’t appreciate them at all. Think about that little girl who I told you about. The one we gave your old clothes to? Whose house burned down in a fire? Do you think that little girl is crying about what dress she is wearing, or is she happy to have dresses to wear?
Munch: BUT I WANT TO WEAR MY KITTY DRESS!!! WAHHH!!
Toni: Okay, well you can think about that little girl and how all her toys and clothes burned to the ground, and then cry about your kitty dress. I am going downstairs.

So she cried and cried and wept and stomped. Part of me felt bad for her and almost wanted to let her wear whatever she wanted because who cares really, but then this other part of me was like fuck this shit. She can’t even dress herself, so if I have to do everything I am going to have an opinion.

Then I looked in the dryer, and found her other stupid Hello Kitty shirt. I went upstairs and showed it to Munch, and within a nano second of seeing her crappy shirt, she stopped weeping.

Munch: Could you please put that on me Mamma? That Hello Kitty shirt is so pretty.
(Here is a video of ANOTHER time The Munch was freaking out because she couldn’t find anything to wear… for the hour before bed mind you. The the one hour before she got in her jammas, she spent the whole time looking for clothes. And a picture of this satanic Hello Kitty shirt).