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  • Generation Blame Game

    Over the summer I performed at a dance festival and let me tell you – there is nothing quite like sharing a dressing room with a bunch of teenage girls. Not only because their boobs are barely below their shoulders they’re so perky, but more because the amount of texting, Snapping, Facebooking, Instagramming, and tweeting was so extreme that I wondered if they had wifi signals coming out of their nipples. I barely had service??

    I can’t criticize the children of today because they are victims of our society. Millenials didn’t create iPhones – Baby boomers did. It’s the generations before you that produce the technology that you’re born into. It’s the humans that came before you that decide the moral compass you’re supposed to adhere to. People create ideologies, think of scientific advancements, pontificate on ethics, ponder human health, opine about systems, and then test their inevitably flawed conclusions on their kids.

    We’re all just the experiments of our parents and the generation that raised us.

    Humans are still evolving and it’s happening more rapidly than ever since the industrial revolution. My kid was born knowing how to swipe through pictures and navigate Netflix. This only exaggerates these feelings of disconnect between generations. I am not THAT much older than a millennial, you could even say I am on the cusp, but I feel like an anthropologist around them – like a modern day Jane Goodall in the forest of a tattoo parlor. I observe them with a slight confusion as I scribble into my notepad; “The subject will post on Snap Chat while getting tattooed. Fascinating.”

    Each generation raises a generation that ends up feeling foreign to them, and I think that’s because we tend to forget that we are all products of our conditioning. In order for me to understand millenials, I have to fully grasp the world Baby Boomers have created for them to adapt to. Baby Boomers are the ones in power. They run our politics, industry, and Wall Street. At the top of most pyramids is a Baby Boomer, perched with their golden rattle like good ol’ Donny Trump – our king.

    I’m the child of baby boomers, and in my view, it’s my parent’s fault they handed me a trashcan of a world. We supposedly have 3 years left to save humanity from Climate Change. The world may be too hot for my kid to survive!!!!! Except for the hippies who fought for our rights in the 60’s, most of Boomers turned out to be the most consumerist, money hungry, self-centered people in history. They didn’t stop global warming – they accelerated it with their greed. When they came to power they gave up their acid and disco balls and paved the path for the economic and ecological tragedy of today.

    Yet that’s not fair of me! It’s not like the baby boomers are beings formed from Immaculate Conception. They are the products of their parenting. The common belief is that the boomers were too coddled by their parents. Supposedly The World War 2 generation, or the so-called “greatest generation” spoiled their kids so significantly that they had no perspective. Huh? I’m not so sure about that. I don’t know about you guys, but my Word War 2/ Great Depression grandparents weren’t exactly cuddly loving people. They’re a little rough around the edges. Sure, maybe they spoiled their kids with material goods – but the Baby Boomers were some traumatized infants.

    Because so many women were popping out babies like pop tarts, the medical industrial complex came up with a new way to birth babies. So a lot of the births during the 50’s and 60’s were twilight births. Now that may sound kinda dreamy… but basically it was out of the Twilight Zone. They would drug the mother to the point where she had zero memory of the birth. None. She was just knocked the fuck out. Then when she came to, they just handed her the baby. Now… this may come as a surprise, but a lot of mothers had trouble bonding with their baby after being dosed with disturbing amounts of morphine.

    These women were then encouraged to exclusively bottle feed their babies with formula. Not even try breastfeeding. Now formula is great when you need it. But half the babies in the 1950’s were raised completely on it. So we have these boomer babies with their disturbing births, their formula diets, and then here is the kicker – the conventional wisdom of that time according to behavioral psychologists was to… wait for it… hold your baby as little as possible!!!!! Yeah. Don’t cuddle your baby. Don’t hold it when it doesn’t need to be held. Nope. That will make them a pussy! Not being held builds character.

    Let me just remind you, that not being touched enough as an infant was later proven to do major and irreversible psychological damage. Touch is just as important to our health as food and water!!! So yeah, maybe the Baby Boomers had more material goods than their parents, but they were neglected as fuck as babies. And look what happened! We are on the verge of extinction now!

    Because boomers where emotionally abandoned that explains a lot of their psychology. Where boomers would let their kids crawl around in the back seat of cars, we modern parents will strap up our kids in car seats as if they were Hannibal Lector. Is that because modern parents are inherently anal? Or because we know more? Or because the “big seatbelt” industry has taken over? Or perhaps we are reacting to the trauma of our own childhoods by over compensating?

    I may question some (a lot) of my parent’s parenting decisions, but I can’t blame them without educating myself on their context. They didn’t have the information we have today, nor did they have the bandwidth to go the library and research the apocalyptic times they were creating. My mom didn’t have the Internet to inspire her to wonder what kind of chemicals were in my shampoo, if my Halloween candy was organic, or if there were razor blades in my apples. She would just be like, “I don’t know, take a bite and find out?”

    The more I understand my parent’s parents, the more I can understand my parents. But for my parents to understand me, they have to understand themselves.

    So what kind of kids are the current generation of parents going to create? Ones that will be so afraid of their own shadow that they willingly submit themselves to a virtual reality Matrix where they never see the light of day? Maybe? I don’t know! I for sure see that modern parents are uptight, but they also started a movement of Attachment parenting – which admittedly may not be very Buddhist of them – but they hold the fuck out of their babies. So we can judge them for being overbearing, but at the same time let’s leave the breastfeeding Time magazine mom alone. Who cares if her 6-year old kid barely had to get on his tippy toes for a sip? That kid may have had to experience some questionable boners, but I’m pretty fucking sure he’s going grow into a sensitive man who believes in universal healthcare.

    Snapping while getting tattooed!!

  • A Plea For Economic Social Terrorism

    Now that it’s no longer “International Women’s Day,” I notice that no one is thanking me for having a vagina. Where are all my Facebook shout outs for housing a womb to house a child? What kind of shit is this?

    The problem with the current state of activism is that social issues have become trendy. You’ll go on your Facebook newsfeed, and a gaggle of friends who think the same as you will post the same array of information. Once that trend get’s boring, it’s then no longer “cool” to post about. But social issues don’t go away just because they do on Facebook. There is still conflict in Palestine even when Banksy isn’t tagging walls.

    When causes become commodities for social capital, they may get a momentary bump in ratings, but they lose their audience once the next cause premiers on the red carpet. I went to an event the other day where these monks were talking about persecution in Tibet and their need for support and I was like, “Ummm no you’re wrong… Tibet is free, remember? I went to that concert in 1996.”

    We lose our stamina for social causes because we get protest fatigue, and then need Viagra for our activism. In the midst of our busy lives, it’s hard to schedule in “fight against tyranny.” Do I do that before or after I watch the OA? There is a sense of irony at play because the reason we agree to the concept of a goverenment in the first place is because most of us don’t WANT to think about the nuances of how a collective society functions. We prefer to defer to the Mommy and Daddy of our political system to take care of us, (or in our case in the U.S.A., mostly Daddy). Yet because we have given our power over to those that we assume “know better,” we then have to be even more diligent politically to make sure they don’t abuse their power. So in wanting freedom from the responsibility associated with having no government, we consequently lose our freedoms because of the corruption of government.

    As Trump tweets about which gender can fart in which bathroom, he’s simultaneously de-regulating business and allowing for a future of MAJOR environmental assault. Trump’s crusade against “fake news” has strangely inspired news outlets to report on their own fakeness rather than the fact that Trump’s making deals and longterm contracts for his businesses. The way this presidency is going to effect the future is terrifying when you think of how Trump prioritizes profit over the planet at every turn. Beyond Trump’s gross nature of giving chicks the “shocka,” this current regime has ZERO respect for the very real impact of business our ecosystem – which incidentally is the ONLY PLANET we have to live on. We are NOT Elon Musk and can’t afford Mars!

    Half the country is freaking out right now. We see the problematic nature of this Post-Apocalyptic Trump world, and want to do something. I like the spirit behind the call for strikes, but I think we can do more. One problem with the strategy of strikes is that if you are not of a certain social class, and believe you can’t make that kind of financial risk, you feel alienated. Also, there seems to be relatively wishy-washy outcomes. Why wasn’t there a specific demand for the strike on International Lady Day? How about women strike until the Supreme Court is ruled by a majority of women – much like it has been ruled by a majority of men since the birth of this cuntree? But the suggestion to “not go to work so guys realize how important we are” doesn’t exactly change the world. Simply wanting to be honored is too vague. We need be making clear demands, with clear outcomes, and clear deliverables. It’s not like the terrorists in Bruce Willis movies just want to be seen. No! They want x amount of cash, a private plane to get away, and to die just after hearing some pithy comeback like “yippee ka yay mother fucker.”

    So this is my plea: let’s engage in acts of economic social terrorism. I don’t think black people should pay taxes until reparations have been given, and the prison industrial complex has been abolished. I don’t think students should pay student loans until that exploitive system has been re-established and the cost of education brought down. I don’t think any of us should pay health insurance companies or our medical bills until we have universal health care. And if you are anti war, and believe that our military is one the LARGEST contributors to global warming, and terrorism, and is the greatest threat to the future of humanity, then do not pay the 21% of your taxes that go to supporting that system.

    If we all organize and refuse to participate in the economic structure that tyrannizes us, we will be heard. And guess what? There isn’t the infrastructure to come after us individually. It would be a bureaucratic nightmare. We could shut down the White House and Wall Street, and we don’t need guns to do it. We just need to be aligned.

    If we want change it’s not going to be through sporadic involvement. Change comes by kicking the system in the balls… where it hurts… with MONEY!

  • The Left Wing Tea Party and The Church of Conspiracy Curiosity

    I know that everyone thinks Bernie Sanders supporters are their most annoying Facebook friends. Personally, I think we aren’t annoying enough. Just as the right has their Tea Party, it’s time the far left, who believe in the ruling lizard elite, build real political power and replace party members who don’t share our values. I want a congressmember who openly questions the Federal Reserve and a Senator who believes in chem trails. We need elected officials who genuinely question the status quo and don’t dismiss alternative understanding of politics as conspiracy theories.

    If the far right can elect extremists who influence the Republican party, we far leftists need to get the aliens that live in that hollow space station scientists call the “moon” to start influencing ours!

    Half of all Americans think our presidential nomination system is rigged. Millions question if their votes are counted. Bernie supporters are widely discontent with this system, who believe the current paradigm of the ruling 1% is devastating to the future. They can’t just be brushed aside, and need to be taken seriously. We’re spreading like HPV — soon everyone’s genitals will have traces of it.

    The Democrat’s slogan might as well be “Better than that guy, but still fuck you.” This endless war on terror will continue under a Clinton regime and fossil fuels will continue to be sucked from the earth like the enthusiastic blow job of a first date. The prison industrial complex will still shatter communities nationwide, and most alarmingly, the unsustainable profit model of Wall Street and the big banks will continue as business as usual.

    I know the rhetoric “progress takes time,” “you can’t build Rome in a day,” and “always wipe from front to back,” but nothing great has ever been accomplished by succumbing to convention. We need to break the rules and try something new. Maybe every generation feels this way, but holy shit I feel like we are genuinely running out of time. I don’t know about you guys, but I never see articles about the environment that are like, “You know what? Let’s keep this up. We’re gonna be fine.”

    The difference between the power of the far right and the far left is two unifying forces we don’t have: super rich donors who bankroll their movement, and religion.
    Sure we have “spirituality” and 97 recipes for Kale, but the bible ties people together much more tightly because of their common fear of hell. Yeah on the left we are genuinely terrified of gluten, but no one would go to war over that. Yet.

    Not only do we need billionaires to fund this movement, (which might be tricky since we are trying to dismantle the paradigm that empowers billionaires), but we also need a united belief system. I suggest the Church of Conspiracy; political spirituality mixed with how jet fuel can’t melt steel beams. I’m not saying I believe every conspiracy out there, or that sound vibrations built the pyramids, but I am saying I don’t blindly buy the official story of anything. If the mainstream media reports it, I have to question it.

    I don’t think there is some evil overlord named Zolong who is planning everything from 9/11 to the Boston Bombing (although I am not saying Zolong doesn’t exist either). I do think that there are many people invested in a system that is out of control. When the system benefits you, of course you will do anything to maintain it – even if that means selling your soul to Zolong. The system itself is the problem, and the people propping it up need to pushed out of power in order for a new one to form.

    Sure, any democrat is better than Trump, but the ethos Bernie represents if far more interesting and crucial than avoiding Melania as First Lady. I don’t think there has to be a civil war within the Democratic party, but rather an acknowledgement that if we want change, we need to be bold. It’s not about rhetoric or pandering to centrists, but a genuine belief system that doesn’t tolerate greed and destruction.

    I’m ready to join this party! We can be just as wacky as the right wing, but less scary because we will all be a bit tired from avoiding GMO’s all day.

    toni gita floor

    April 28, 2016 • Current Events, Environmental Impact, Political Banter • Views: 1029

  • It’s Not That Leo DiCaprio Is That Great, Everyone Else is Just Insane!

    Leo DiCaprio finally won his Oscar, and admirably dedicated his speech to bringing awareness to climate change. Leo has been a longtime ally of the environmental movement, and his efforts have been undoubtedly commendable. But I don’t think we should be worshipping him for being eco-conscious, because to NOT be talking about global warming is FUCKING CRAZY!

    Leo isn’t great for bringing up the MOST IMPORANT threat facing humanity – everyone else is an asshole for NOT talking about it. I think at each and every award show the nominee should thank their manager, thank the fans, thank god, and then end with, “by the way the world is coming to an end so maybe we should do something about it!”

    I am pretty sure climate change is ALL WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT! Including ME and YOU!

    The super rich are going to be fine during Armageddon. They can just fly their helicopters to their secret fancy bunkers on the top of the Himalayas. Leo DiCaprio will be popping bottles with models in the Andes when shit hits the fan. I’m pretty sure most of Hollywood already has a personal chef preparing gluten-free free-range gluten while Sherpa carry up their Louis Viton bags. It’s all fine and good that fancy people remind us that we are currently cannibalizing ourselves at a rapid speed, but the lunacy that we have to be reminded is the real problem.

    We shouldn’t be clapping our chubby little hands because really rich successful people care about the future of humanity, we should be doing everything we can to be caring about the future of humanity. We are the ones who are going to be downing in the rising seas as Tsunamis take out the entire coastal regions of this country. We’re not going to have life vests made of money and Moet. We are going to be wishing that rather than watching TV and dicking around on Facebook, we were doing something to stop this inevitable mayhem.

    People are comparing the ascent of Donald Trump to the rise of Hitler based on his hateful ethos. Yet regardless if Trump wins the presidency, we are all complacent to a mass genocide that is the making. Just as I asked myself “how did people stand by and do nothing during Nazi Germany?” – I am SURE history will soon ask the same of us. If there are any people left! I can see it now. Little kids will be sitting in their underwater schools, with desks made of trash, and their GMO gills flapping in the nuclear sludge. They will read their texts books and wonder, “how did those people stand by and watch as the planet was destroyed by an insatiable industry of mass consumerism?”

    Of course we don’t talk about climate change everyday because it feels too overwhelming and depressing. Yet what if we did talk about it every day? What if every time you participated in this consumer culture you asked yourself “how will my decision effect climate change?” We are the ones who shape the capitalist system. We can choose not to economically support the companies that rule Wall Street. We can stop big business by refusing to give them our money. At least we can start trying. (Pretty sure the cable, Internet, and phone companies have us on lock down… but you guys we can do this!)

    Yes there are roadblocks when wanting to be a conscious consumer, yet part of the problem is that we aren’t constantly discussing what we can do. We need to be asking ourselves the right questions. Where we can buy affordable products that are eco? How we can support community-supported agriculture that is competitively priced and empowers local farming? Do we have to buy clothes treated with toxic chemicals? Must we brush our teeth with cancer causing agents? I don’t know about you, but I would rather a world of smelly armpits that are free from carcinogens than continuing to blindly enable companies who are putting poisonous products in our deodorant.

    There are alternatives, and the more we discuss them, the more we will feel emboldened to commit to change. There are 19-year old kids who are developing ways to clean the oceans. There are solutions. If a goddamn child is coming up with ideas, I am pretty sure that the grown men who are milking the teat of our planet’s resources can too. We can’t shy away from obsessively talking about this issue, because I would feel PRETTY FUCKING BAD being part of the generation that stood by as we faced mass extinction.

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    February 29, 2016 • Current Events • Views: 824

  • Over Intellectualizing Pop Songs

    Taylor Swift’s Blank Space

    Cause we’re young and we’re reckless
    We’ll take this way too far
    It’ll leave you breathless
    Or with a nasty scar
    Got a long list of ex-lovers
    They’ll tell you I’m insane
    But I got a blank space baby
    And I’ll write your name

    Blank Space is about dark matter and the terrifying reality that the human brain cannot understand the mysterious substance that constitutes 98% of the universe. Dark matter is so complex, that our psyche’s can’t grasp its physical properties. Most of the world around us is made up of space, yet because our brain is so limited, we perceive things as solid. Yet in truth, all of us, ex lovers included, are truly insane for believing we are anything but blank space in this cold dark universe.

    Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”

    Running just as fast as we can, holding on to one another hands
    Trying to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me
    And we tumble to the ground and then you say

    I think we’re alone now,
    There doesn’t seem to be anyone around
    I think we’re alone now,
    The beating of our hearts is the only sound

    This song is about atheism, and coming to terms with the idea that there is no God. We turn to each other, holding hands, trying to run from this harsh reality. You embrace me in a desperate attempt to make sense of this existential crisis, but we still tumble to the ground. We fall into an abyss of blackness, because that is where we go where we die – back into the darkness. I think we’re alone, because there is no God in the background. He is not around to save you. The only thing you are left with is the sound of your own beating heart, before it stops beating for the last time.

    Brittany Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time”

    Oh, baby, baby
    Oh, baby, baby

    Oh, baby, baby
    How was I supposed to know
    That something wasn’t right here?
    Oh, baby, baby
    I shouldn’t have let you go
    And now you’re out of sight, yeah

    Show me how you want it to be
    Tell me, baby,
    ‘Cause I need to know now, oh, because…

    My loneliness is killing me (and I)
    I must confess, I still believe (still believe)
    When I’m not with you I lose my mind
    Give me a sign
    Hit me, baby, one more time

    Oh, baby, baby
    The reason I breathe is you
    Boy, you got me blinded
    Oh, baby, baby
    There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
    It’s not the way I planned it

    This song is about police brutality. You thought the justice system was just, because how would you know any different? It’s what we were taught as children. But yet, something isn’t right. You can never let the police out of your sight. The only way to keep yourself safe is to have them show you how to act. To dictate your behavior to satisfy their needs.

    The loneliness in this uncaring world, where you can be persecuted for being the wrong skin color, or wearing the wrong type of sweatshirt, IS actually killing me – both literally and figuratively. I think I need the police to protect me, but this dependency on the very institution that is hurting me, is making me lose my mind. I don’t know what the world would look like without laws and the lawmakers that enforce them, because there is no obvious sign that there is another way. So hit me one more time, because you’ve already hit me a bunch. You, Mr. Police Man, got me blinded because you sprayed mace in my eyes… that was definitely not part of the plan.

    Rihanna’s “Umbrella”

    Uh huh, uh huh (Yea Rihanna)
    Uh huh, uh huh (Good girl gone bad)
    Uh huh, uh huh (Take three… Action)
    Uh huh, uh huh

    No clouds in my stones
    Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
    Coming down with the Dow Jones
    When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
    We fly higher than weather
    In G5’s are better,
    You know me,
    In anticipation, for precipitation.
    Stack chips for the rainy day
    Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
    Rihanna, where you at?

    You have my heart
    And we’ll never be worlds apart
    Maybe in magazines
    But you’ll still be my star
    Baby, ’cause in the dark
    You can’t see shiny cars
    And that’s when you need me there
    With you I’ll always share
    Because

    When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
    Told you I’d be here forever
    Said I’ll always be a friend
    Took an oath I’ma stick it out ’til the end
    Now that it’s raining more than ever
    Know that we’ll still have each other
    You can stand under my umbrella
    You can stand under my umbrella
    (Ella ella eh eh eh)
    Under my umbrella
    (Ella ella eh eh eh)
    Under my umbrella
    (Ella ella eh eh eh)
    Under my umbrella
    (Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

    This song is about global warming. The Dow Jones, “Rocafella,” and Wall Street are all the cause of the clouds – the clouds of acid rain. When the sun shines, we shine with it, because our skin will be burning from the lack of ozone. We will stand under the umbrella together, as the seas rise, we will stick it out to the end.

    Black Eyed Peas “My Humps”

    What you gon’ do with all that junk?
    All that junk inside your trunk?
    I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
    Get you love drunk off my hump.
    My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
    My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
    I drive these brothers crazy,
    I do it on the daily,
    They treat me really nicely,
    They buy me all these ices.
    Dolce & Gabbana,
    Fendi and that Donna
    Karan, they be sharin’
    All their money got me wearin’ fly
    Brother I ain’t askin,
    They say they love my ass ‘n,
    Seven Jeans, True Religion’s,
    I say no, but they keep givin’
    So I keep on takin’
    And no I ain’t taken
    We can keep on datin’
    I keep on demonstrating.
    My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
    You love my lady lumps (love),
    My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
    My humps they got you,
    She’s got me spending.
    (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
    She’s got me spendin’.
    (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me

    What you gon’ do with all that junk?
    All that junk inside that trunk?
    I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
    Get you love drunk off my hump.
    What you gon’ do with all that ass?
    All that ass inside them jeans?
    I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
    Make you scream, make you scream.
    Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
    My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

    I met a girl down at the disco.
    She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
    I could be your baby, you can be my honey
    Let’s spend time not money.
    I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
    Milky, milky cocoa,
    Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

    This song is about materialism, and the social consequence of sweatshop labor. We have all this junk, in our living rooms, bedrooms, and trunks. Seriously though – what are we going to do with it? We are going to escape from the tyranny of our stuff by getting drunk. It is too painful to think of the environmental and social consequences of all this junk. The human suffering of children working 18-hour days. No. We will get wasted off of a hump instead. It is the only way to deal. We will celebrate corporate greed manifested through high fashion and diamonds so we can keep having sex, and demonstrating the denial. We turn to humps and humping because coco puffs with milk is the only NOT to not think about our place in the milky way.

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    February 17, 2016 • Current Events, Musings • Views: 2732

  • My 5-Year Old Does Not Support the Rockefeller Drug Laws

    Every parent has a nighttime ritual with their child to put them to bed. Sometimes that includes a bath, a warm glass of milk, and reading a story. Other times putting your child to sleep involves a discussion about the Police state and Rockefeller drug laws – but to each his own.

    There is a heroin epidemic where I live in New Hampshire, and it is basically impossible not to know someone who is personally effected by this crisis. The Munch and I were talking about someone we love, and how they are dealing with a family member in jail because of heroine. The Munch had a lot of questions about what all this meant, and the complexity of trying to clarify the details to her made something very clear to me.

    The way we treat drug addicts in this country is criminal.

    I think the best way to tell if a system is flawed, is if it’s hard to explain it to a child. If you can’t easily articulate an issue, then something is wrong.

    When the Munch asks about what laws were, I didn’t find it challenging to express why we needed laws. When she asked me some examples of laws, it was perfectly logical to her why it was illegal to steal, or kill someone. There wasn’t a lot of confusion. But when trying to unpack why drugs were illegal and why people go to prison for drugs – that was actually really hard.

    The Munch: What do drugs do to people?
    Toni: They make you feel different – inside your body and your mind.
    The Munch: What do you mean feel different?
    Toni: You know how if you eat a bunch of sugar, and your body feels kind of funny after? Like it’s buzzing?
    The Munch: Yeah… and you have all this energy and want to run around?
    Toni: Well drugs make you feel different sensations in your body and in your brain.
    The Munch: Is sugar a drug?
    Toni: Well it affects your brain like drugs, but it’s not considered a drug.
    The Munch: Is wine drugs? Like how grow-ups drink wine and stuff?
    Toni: Kind of – but wine beer is considered alcohol. Not a drug.
    The Munch: Do people go to prison for wine?
    Toni: No… only drugs.
    The Munch: Why are drugs bad?
    Toni: Because you can get addicted to them.
    The Munch: Like how you say I can get addicted to sugar, or watching too much “My Little Pony.”
    Toni: Yes. Addiction is when you make a decision to do something you know is bad for you, but it’s too hard to make the decision to stay away.
    The Munch: And you go to prison because you have addiction and it’s too hard to stay away?
    Toni: Sort of. But also when you take drugs, you probably aren’t making the best decisions in general because you’re also on drugs. So you aren’t thinking clearly.
    The Munch: But don’t you take drugs when you are sick? Or have surgery? Like how you gave me drugs when I had my eye surgery so the pain would go away?
    Toni: Yes. Doctors give drugs when people are in pain, but those drugs don’t put you in jail.
    The Munch: What are the drugs that put you in jail?
    Toni: Illegal drugs.
    The Munch: But do people take illegal drugs because they are in pain?
    Toni: Yes. Emotional pain. And sometimes physical pain too.
    The Munch: So shouldn’t those people see a doctor for their pain and not go to jail?
    Toni: Yes they should.

    Since the Rockefeller drug laws were introduced, the prison population in the US has skyrocketed! We now hold the honor of being the number 1 country in the world with the most people incarcerated. Maybe the original intention was to make our neighborhoods safer, but sending millions of non-violent offenders to jail for exorbitant sentences has had a detrimental impact on communities. The Rockefeller drug laws are the most significant legal foundation of the war on drugs over the last 40 years. And despite the draconian mandatory minimums being removed 7 years ago, 48% of the people in our federal prisons are there for non-violent drug related crimes. But what if we started regarding drug abuse as a social issue to contend with and not a criminal one?

    These mandatory sentences haven’t addressed why people turn to drugs, but only built the foundation of our current penal system. These drug laws paved the path for the prison industrial complex that we see today – ironically with prisoners as the ones laying the concrete. When prisons become profitable businesses, then filling them up with people is simply free labor for Wall Street.

    So I agree with The Munch – maybe we should be sending addicts to hospitals and not prisons.

  • The Bernie Hillary Feminist Love Triangle

    I am a proud feminist. I celebrate the sacred feminine every full moon with a menses ritual. I say things like “smash the patriarchy” non-ironically at dinner parties. I named my dog after Simone De Beauvoir. And I’m pretty sure if you typed in the word “vagina” in the search engine of this blog – 4 to 6 million posts would come up.

    But just because I’m a feminist, doesn’t mean that I am going to blindly support Hillary for president.

    I want to. Oh goddess do I want do I want to. Sweet Mother Gaia would that be divine. But as much as my uterus craves more women in positions of power, that doesn’t mean I can only think with my ovaries.

    Hillary Clinton, Grandmother Moon bless her, is unfortunately a compromised individual. Anyone who WANTS to be president is.

    Hillary has wanted to be president for a long time. At least for 8 years – but I think you and I both know this ambition dates longer than that. Maybe Hillary has wanted to be president for 20 years, or even 30. What that means is that much of her political policy has been dictated with this nagging concept in the back of her mind. “How will this decision impact the possibility of me one day being elected president?”

    As a consequence of this aspiration, Hillary has been pandering to the center. She hasn’t been particularly progressive because she has been too calculated in her decision-making. If you look at her record she has promoted Fracking, supported the Wall Street bail out, supported the invasion in Iraq, supported the Patriot Act, supports the death penalty, supported the defense marriage act, she’s in bed with Monsanto, has a Wall Street funded Super PAC, and is part of the 1%.

    She’s been playing the game of politics.

    I am not sure I believe her choices are a reflection of her actual morality, but rather a desire to rise through the ranks of power. From a personal perspective I can say, “you go girl,” because she has become one of the most powerful women in the world. But that doesn’t mean that I trust her.

    Yes Hillary has faced challenges that her male counterparts have not. Yes she has been criticized by the media, and the public, in ways that are exclusive to the fact that she has the wrong genitals. Yes there is a vast discrepancy when it comes to men and women in politics. YES TO ALL THAT! YES THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE!

    But if you look at Hillary’s political history, being a woman hasn’t hurt her. It’s helped her. Her status quo run of the mill policies wouldn’t stand out of if she were a man. The only reason why a true leftist would even CONSIDER her as candidate is because she is a woman.

    I don’t blame Hillary for being strategic throughout her career. She had no other choice. I understand that completely. Yet I don’t think electing her just to prove to the world that we can have a woman president is that meaningful. It’s a superficial statement. It wouldn’t truly impact the role of woman in American society. It’s not like just because we had a black president suddenly racism disappeared. There have been rampant acts of racism that are beyond archaic since Obama has been elected. It’s only brought it to the forefront. Sure it’s great that kids can now see a black president, or little girls could experience a woman president. But figureheads and puppets don’t change the deep systemic racism and sexism that exist in the world.

    Obama or Hillary can’t solve these social issues because they had to sacrifice too much of their own political beliefs to get the position they are in. Obama had to prove that he wasn’t “too black” to be president just like Hillary has to prove she isn’t “too feminine.” If we lived in a true democracy it would be possible to be an honest politician. But we don’t. We live in a corporatetocracy. Therefore ANYONE who makes it up that ladder did so because of back door deals to satisfy the agenda of big banks and big business.

    That is why Plato fantasized about the idea of the “philosopher king.” In his worldview, the philosopher, the one who values questioning over personal power, is the only person fit to be king. They are the only ones who can’t be corrupted. Yet the issue is that no philosopher would ever want to be king.

    Anyone who has the goal of being president of the United States of America has done some very dirty transactions to get to that position. EVERYONE.

    So this brings us to Bernie Sanders. Now I’m not saying that Bernie is perfect, or that I agree with everything that comes out of his mouth. But I’m pretty sure Bernie is just as surprised as everyone else by how close he is to being nominated.

    Because Bernie hasn’t spent his entire political career with the goal to one day be president, he has spoken out in a much more progressive and potentially honest way. Bernie may not be the perfect candidate, but what he has done is radically changed the conversation. He is a rebellion against Wall Street. He is the continuation of the Occupy movement. He’s trying to dismantle the very banking system that supports Hillary. He’s the only candidate that has the freedom to say, “the 1% are fucking us” because he is not in their back pocket.

    Hillary’s campaign is supported by big donations from rich people. Bernie is instead being supported by small donations from poor people.

    Bernie will inevitably have more political integrity because he is beholden to the people, not the corporations.

    Of course the congress and senate are going to cock block anyone who tries to enact truly progressive political progress, but that is the direction our country needs to be heading. Not only socially, but environmentally, and financially. The current corruption is too dangerous. Wall Street is too dangerous. This model of profit over people and the planet is KILLING US ALL.

    So as much as my vagina wants a woman president, my brain wants someone who is more interested in challenging the system than catering to it.

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    February 4, 2016 • Current Events, Political Banter • Views: 1639

  • Is There a Point Of Excellent Talents When They Don’t Make You Money?!

    It’s hard to make a living doing what you are truly passionate about. It’s one thing to get a job that makes money – but it’s another to have a career that feeds your soul to the point where you can’t wait to wake up in the morning and get back to work! Even when you are able to do something you truly love, there will still be all sorts of bullshit, crap, and poop you don’t want to do, but HAVE to anyway.

    Society only honors hobbies once you fully commodify them. Culture measures worth on intrinsic material value, yet not all of our personal goals line up with the metrics of Wall Street. I bet most of our greatest skills are things that can’t be sold on the free market.

    When I think the abilities that I naturally excel at, I don’t see a place for them in the adult world. For instance, I am amazing at parallel parking. Seriously. I’ve had many a stranger clap for my tight squeezes with minimal wheel effort. But where can I take that? To the valet parking world? Not really – because most of the time they are pulling into spaces. My talents would be wasted!

    I am also unbelievable at Tiger Woods Golf on PlayStation circa 2003-2005. I mean… not to brag… but I’m probably one of the best east of the Mississippi. My only condition is that I have to be stoned, and cookies MUST be baking in the oven. Yet I can’t support myself playing Tiger Woods Golf ☹ There are no international competitions that I could enter! And if there were, I can’t play the game on our modern PlayStation 3… it HAS to be 2! My only hope would be to get a flux capacitor, make a time machine, harvest plutonium, and stay in 2004 forever!

    Is there something that I can do with my epic gift to text really really super fast? AND WITHOUT LOOKING! Why doesn’t anybody care that I can find the perfect emoji to express disdain without being offensive faster than a cowboy can draw his gun!?

    I bet you have 1,000 skills that no one will pay you for, but you are fucking amazingly excellent anyway!

    (Me in my Tiger Woods Days)

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    September 14, 2015 • Musings • Views: 1011

  • It turns out the Market is Over Saturated with Vagina!

    A writer for Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales, did an expose on the dating lives of 20-somethings in NYC – looking into how “hook-up” culture has impacted their sexuality.

    According to this article, financial fuck wads who work at Wall Street are getting laid left and right. Because of Tinder/Hinge/ STD Transfer Ultimate App, guys like Alex can, “rack up 100 girls I’ve slept with in a year.” That’s a lot of condoms A-rod 😉 I hope you’ve diversified your portfolio and invested in Trojan!

    It today’s fast pace world, a sweet talker like Marty can sleep with at least 40 women over a fiscal year by this pretty impressive strategy. He simply, “sort of plays that I could be a boyfriend kind of guy, in order to win them over, but then they start wanting me to care more … and I just don’t.” BRILLIANT WORK MARTY!

    What I find most horrifying about this article is not that people in their 20’s want to get naked and bump crotches. Nor that Men think it’s “cool” to flip through women like a Golfer’s Digest at the dentist’s office. The problem isn’t that modern women are “too easy” and it’s effecting intimacy for all. NO! The alarming part of this story is who are these women that sleep with guys who work on Wall Street?!! Especially ones named Marty!?

    When I lived in NYC I was once at this fancy club where a Wall Street guy tried to hit on me. I started asking him about sub prime mortgages and if he ever invested in triple bottom line socially responsible businesses – and his dick got soft in front of my eyes. He RAN away from me, never to return.

    I guess talking to me is like the anti-Viagra for Wall Street men.

    But ladies, it is our civic responsibility to question the ethics of these guys and shame them for their business practices, not reward them with the pot of gold betwixt our thighs!

    If women want to sleep with 2,000 guys on Tinder then god bless them. Just not Wall Street guys! We can’t flood their market with our precious poonanies. NO!! We have keep them wrapped up tight and create a deficit. The pussy stock will rise if we generate scarcity.

    As long as these guys are boning chicks, they are going to keep living their lives thinking they are god’s gift, and continue making repulsive decisions about business. They will wake up feeling justified, and morally unambiguous that their profit models are destroying the planet. Let’s not waste our time slut shaming young women of the world, but redirecting their lady parts towards more deserving men!

    So my fellow females… sleep with as many guys as you want during the exploration of your sexual identity. Just not douchey finance dickheads! Have sex with that tortured artist, the dude with scraggily ponytail making your green juice, or the guy who started that solar company. Go give that nerd head who’s trying to find alternative fuel sources. Let him bust a nut on your tits!

    PLEASE… NOT THESE GUYS

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    August 10, 2015 • Current Events, Musings, Vagina Stuff, Women's Business • Views: 2244