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self-esteem
Posts

  • Donald Trump Self-Esteem

    I think the one thing we can all learn from Donald Trump, is how to maintain unwavering positive self-esteem, even in the face of total failure. His confidence is remarkable! He doesn’t care about the approval of others! If people aren’t into him, he just thinks it’s a lie constructed by the fake news made up of a bunch of dummies. Trump’s sassier then the sassy friend in a movie who knows how to sass it up!

    I don’t know about you guys, but I could use some of that Trump-esteem. My life is filled with rejection. I am constantly dealing with people telling me, “thanks, but no thanks.” It’s hard to keep going in the face of that. When you work in a creative field, you have to be somewhat, if not completely delusional. Even when people tell me that the films I make, or the things I write aren’t good enough, I have to tell myself “keep trying Toni… Not everyone is going to understand your style of genital humor.”

    But if I were in any other profession, say a surgeon, and hospitals kept rejecting me – I would probably stop. I would never be like, “they just don’t get my type of surgery.”

    If I were a lawyer and lost every case, chances are I would quit, rather then yell at the judge, “my law is post-modern, avant-garde, reductionist… and you have no taste because you’re provincial philistine!

    The other day I went for a walk, got pretty stoned, and thought to myself “wow, I am the hardest working unsuccessful person I know.” It would be one thing if I didn’t work that hard, then I would have an excuse. I could be like, “well Toni, you never really tried.” But I really try!! Then I started to think that I must just not be that amazing at anything, and my current life is the consequence of my being un-amazing. Then I got soooo hungry. But then, I got a new video idea!

    I think we all have to deal with disappointment and rejection – whether in love, work, school, or public approval. Yet even though we are a social species, we also can’t allow other’s to define our sense of self. In matters of the heart, we often take breakups so personally. “Oh dear, that person doesn’t love me, therefor I can’t love myself.” Well, maybe you were an asshole every so often and could have done more to clean up your dirty dishes. But you can learn from your mistakes and still think you are worthy of love. Rejection, although damaging for the ego, is also an opportunity to grow, improve, and better define what it is you actually want.

    So in these dark political times where the face of Donald Trump causes my mouth to water at the precipice of constant retching, and my vagina to dry up, ready to turn itself inside out – there is something positive I can learn from him. I can channel his unrelenting pride. And you can too, the next time an entire world thinks you’re a piece of shit.

    Looks like I need a dose of Trump-Esteem!!!

    March 30, 2017 • Current Events, emotions, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 304

  • Do We All Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

    Ten years ago if I looked in the mirror and thought I looked good, that was basically all that happened. I would maybe make a face to myself, fluff my hair, and then probably fart because I was in the bathroom so why not? I didn’t call my friend’s to alert them. Nor did it occur to me to search through my room, find my camera, document my perfect pout, walk to the closest convenience store, drop off the film, come back a week later, look at the picture, and then show everyone I’ve ever met.

    Yet now with social media we feel the compulsion to share our dewy eyes after a day in the sun. We will even go so far as to cut other people out of the shot, and zoom in closer so everyone can bask in the glory of our new pixilated profile picture. But doesn’t my smile just look so cute?! YES IT DOES!

    Instagram and Facebook fan our vanity. It’s a virtual culture that feeds the ego, and the adoration is addictive – whether it’s sincere or not. I don’t ACTUALLY like everything I “like” that you post… nor do you. I “like” things because I want YOU to “like” MY things. It’s just the way it is.

    Even though there are positive elements of social media, it’s also fostering narcissism. Not just with the selfies, but also the insatiable compulsion to communicate our thoughts to our cyber audiences. We all have our fan base, as well as being fans of others. It becomes a feedback loop of self-importance, just like that snake eating its own tail – which I tried myself, but my feet really do smell.

    What we are ultimately looking for is validation for our existence. Look at my kid and tell me how cute. Check out my food and see how delicious. Gaze at my relationship and feel jealous because of its perfection. Hear my accomplishments and make me feel worthy. Weep at my sadness because it is now in your newsfeed while you are sitting on the toilet. It isn’t just about bragging or expression, but a need to be noticed and thus alive.

    In a way, most of modern society is battling narcissistic personality disorder…

    “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” –Mayo Clinic

    You may say to yourself “I don’t have a lack of empathy for others…” but how many times do you gag, roll your eyes, or make fun of someone’s lame status update? SHUT YOUR FACE I KNOW YOU DO IT!!!!

    Rather than denying the fact that this is a cultural phenomenon, we have to instead admit it, and embrace it. The only way to truly battle the contagious influence of arrogance is being able to laugh at yourself when you are seduced by it. It’s only if we are being real about our motivations that we will avoid being completely corrupted. Now go ahead and please “like” this post because if you don’t I will probably cry about it.

    (PS this blog was inspired by a conversation between me and my brother… As we were discussing how everyone is a narcissist we then starting talking about ourselves and if we were narcissists because you know… narcissism).

    LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME HOW AMAZING I AM IN EVERY WAY!

    narcissim-blog

    May 25, 2015 • Current Events, Musings • Views: 1083

  • Photoshop The Hell Out of Your Face!

    Oh cool you guys! There is a new app out where you can easily photoshop your face to look like a younger, thinner, more attractive you – but without having to spend all time being a total nerd and learning how to use photoshop. No longer will the tech geeks have all the fun orchestrating vanity for their profile pics. Gone are the days where celebrities will be the only ones to hide under the magic of the “magic wand tool.” Justice has been served. Now you, the average person, can create a false image of self to broadcast to people who already know what you look like – and I am pretty sure will notice something is up.

    I don’t get it. I really don’t. Unless you are an insecure teenager in Iowa “catfishing” people with fake accounts, everyone who looks at a picture of you is already familiar with how you look. What is the point of bedazzling your image for them? So an ex-lover glances at a pic, thinks they may want to smash privates, but then see you in person and realize that you DO in fact have forehead wrinkles which only provokes them to run away screaming “the HORROR!”

    Would people photoshop themselves for themselves? Because they are sick of looking at pictures with smile lines and a slightly bigger right eye? Would fixing that on a screen make them feel better about who looks back in the mirror?

    What is the deal? Why are we so obsessed with looks when the root of attraction is smell? The odors we emit through pheromones are way more sexually provocative than having a nose that is smaller than your nostril. If you want to find a mate, take their face, shove it into your armpits, and let them take a good whiff. They will know right away whether or not they want to get down with what you are putting out.

    I know we are all socialized creatures, and easily corrupted by the images we are force-fed by the media regarding the ideal of beauty. Both men and women are besieged with pressures to be physically appealing, and therefore attractiveness is often linked to self-esteem. But guess what!? The world of marketing isn’t going to change – they are selling products and we keep buying. So next time you are feeling less than because you aren’t a size zero, or have undulating muscles, or a face as symmetrical as a snowflake – rather than photoshopping yourself, get into your animal instincts and have someone waft your genitals.

    photo-shop-blog-(i)

    July 29, 2014 • Current Events, Musings • Views: 1887

  • Perfect in Your Imperfections

    When you see a picture of yourself, what is the first thing you notice? If you see a video of you just acting like you, what do you see when staring at your own moving image? Do you think to yourself – “wow, look at that special person, way to go me!” Or do your eyes immediately gravitate to all your imperfections?

    I remember back in the day when there used to be answering machines, the sound of my own voice was more irritating than puking kittens sliding down a chalk board while a tea kettle whistled in the background and a car alarm went off. I couldn’t stand how I sounded, and it was really hard to believe that anyone could tolerate that horrendous auditory assault that came out of my face hole.

    Nowadays, it is too easy to document everything, and see exactly what people see when they look at you all day. So many pictures of myself make me think “holy fuck – that is what I look like when I am not paying attention and staring off into the cosmos? I need to shut my damn mouth and work on that weak chin of mine!” It is hard to remember that people probably aren’t as critical of you as you are of yourself because everyone is too busy thinking of themselves. But still… it is really humbling to come face to face with all the fucked up faces you make throughout any given day.

    I envy the days when it took half a lifetime of sanding sand just to make a mirror. The human mind is designed to pick a part the good and sift out negativity. We are critical by nature, and often our own harshest critics. That is probably why we envy the naivety of children so much. They live in this blissful state of not noticing or caring about the little flaws that seem so detrimental to us. A small child won’t think your tummy is pudgy, but rather see your paunch as comfy pillow. I remember loving the feeling of lying on my dad’s stomach because it was soft, and not rock hard abs jutting into my cheekbone.

    Kids are really oblivious to their own imperfections as well. They run around with chocolate on their face, their hair all fucked up, and not caring that their clothes are covered in snot stains. There is innocence to their lack of awareness. So it has been really challenging to watch how The Munch has to encounter the reality of her flaws because of her wandering eye. Everyday now Munch has to wear her eye patch, so she is forced to remember that something isn’t right about her.

    Munch: Mom I don’t want to wear the eye patch. I HATE wearing the eye patch.
    Toni: I know it isn’t easy. But you have to wear it so you don’t get surgery and the doctor doesn’t have to poke your eye.
    Munch: Will the doctor take my eyeball out?
    Toni: Uhhhh I don’t really know how it works, but it doesn’t look fun.
    Munch: I don’t want the doctor to take my eyeball out.
    Toni: Well, they would put it back in. But that is why you are wearing the patch. So your eye gets strong, and you don’t have to.
    Munch: But why do I have a lazy eye?
    Toni: Because nobody is perfect, and we all have problems.

    Sigh. Even though I know this to be true, it is just hard that she has to be aware so young. I am hoping that this means she will have a higher tolerance and acceptance of herself in the future.

    (Here is mom rocking the patch to make Munch feel better)

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  • Like A Girl

    Advertising has obviously taken a major hit in the past decade with the changing landscape of media. It is getting harder for companies to penetrate their products into your psyche, so they are trying a variety of new methods to get people actively engaged. Even though I have a deep seeded fear of major corporations and how the laws of Wall Street ultimately compromise them, I have been noticing initiatives where companies are sponsoring messages intended for the betterment of society. The interesting result in these types of initiatives is if the campaign is potent and has viral potential, the people then brand ambassadors and do the marketing for them.

    “Always” (the company that makes pads and tampons) recently sponsored a video and complementing crusade around the idea of doing something “like a girl.” The way the message is presented is incredibly potent, and immediately makes you want to post on Facebook or forward to friends. They ask these people (women, men, and one boy) to do certain activities “like a girl.” Fight like a girl, run like a girl, throw like a girl… When each of these people would “act like a girl” they did so in this flouncy, silly, unserious, uncoordinated way.

    The producers of the video then ask little girls to do these same movements, who in turn seriously enact the tasks at hand. They don’t run like a stereotypical girl, but rather how they themselves would run. The contrast was obviously a stark reality check. The video ends with the participants talking about the idea of doing something “like a girl,” and how it affects the self-esteem of young women knowing that the way they do things is considered an insult.

    Even though I am not a big fan of the company Always, as they produce products to shove up one’s poon that are made with GMO cotton laden with pesticides and chemicals – I still REALLY wanted to share this video! It was incredibly well done and a fascinating concept to address. That point where girls starts to loose their self-confidence because they become aware that their “girlyness” is subpar, and something to make fun of.

    The irony is that most kids, whether boys or a girls, are crazy uncoordinated when they are young. Watching them throw, catch, whatever, is pure comedy because they are still learning to control their bodies. Those children that choose to pursue a physical path will become less awkward regardless of gender. The reason why girls got a bad reputation is because in the 1800’s we had to wear corsets and would pass out if we stood up – how can you throw a perfect spiral in that condition?!

    I think this generation of kids can redefine this silly assumption.  All we have to do is encourage the physical growth of our little girls with the same passion as we do our boys.  Not that they have to be Russian gymnasts or anything, but reminding them to be strong and to push themselves to try new things.  Then the saying “like a girl” will quickly fade into the past like all those other colloquialisms that make no sense to modern people – like throwing a baby out with the bath water…. because seriously who does that?

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    July 1, 2014 • Current Events, Musings, Parenting, Women's Business • Views: 1852

  • My Child is a Shaman

    We all have an inner voice.  Mine perhaps is more outer than most, but my belly button is an innie so it all evens out.  Unless you have hyper-conditioned your mind to speak only affirmations, chances are your internal dialogue is quite critical.  Mine is telling me, “that was a stupid sentence, and you are always wordy, and write too many run-ons, and your skin is looking grey, and your hair is stringy, and there you go with those run-on sentences again you big poopy face dumb-dumb.”

    Some people are more sadistic to themselves then others.  Self-abuse is never okay because it can make you go blind, or grow hair on your palms.  At least that is what I was told.  I have a friend who is a lovely talented angel from another dimension of perfection, but she is always ripping herself apart – which is gross and makes stains.  The story she tells herself of her life does not honor her ability or accomplishments.

    Today she was lying on my bathroom floor, going down a spiral of negativity, and feeling really down.

    Toni: “Munch, should we go check on Bridget to see if she is okay?”

    Munch: “Okay… Mamma she is on the floor!”

    Toni: “I know Munch!”

    Munch: “Is she okay? Is she feeling sick?”

    Toni: “Yes Munch, she is feeling sick.”

    Munch: “She is sooo sick and she is on the floor?  What’s the matter with her?”

    Toni: “I don’t know Munch… what do you think she is sick with?”

    Munch: “Ummmm I think she is sick in her mouth.”

    Isn’t that so insightful?  I have never complained about my mouth being sick, and really don’t think The Munch was reenacting some ailment she has witnessed.  She came up with that out of her own intuition.  And I think she is completely right.  We too often tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough.  The inner-dialogue harshly condemns more than it expresses positivity and self-love.

    The Munch is a wise sage.  A shaman if you will… because maybe we are all a little sick in our mouths.

    (Look! Munch did our make-up! Don’ we look amazing!?”

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    March 22, 2013 • 2nd Month, Baby Brain, Mommy Mind, Musings, Talking and Not Talking • Views: 1543

  • When you are talented you don’t have to be pretty

    Although the culture at large is obsessed with physical beauty, being an attractive woman can become the defining attribute of your identity.  Men of course can be vain and care deeply about their appearance, but there will still be societal expectations of him beyond his defined cheekbones and sculpted buttocks.  Yet for a woman, sometimes, just being pretty can be enough.

    When a woman is gorgeous it can excuse her from being anything else.  That is why it is always surprising when a stunning girl also happens to be smart, or good at science, or interested in politics.  The “sexy professional” is a concept so absurd by cultural standards that it has become a cliché Halloween costume… in the realm of myth, fantasy, and the ridiculous.

    Even though I know all this, and can identify the meaninglessness of judging women for her looks, I still do it everyday of my life.  I will flip through a magazine or watch a movie and think: “Well, she is not that pretty.  Her left eye is lower than her right and she has this weird dimple thing going on when she talks.  Her forehead is too small and there is a something funky going on with her left ear.  Oh, and her ass is kind of flat and flabby.”

    What am I even talking about?? Why do I do that?

    First of all, all these women are somehow in the spot light and therefor have even more pressure to be aesthetically perfect.  Which is bizarre considering how many foul looking men are able to be in that same position but are critiqued on skill alone.  Then I realized that the women I evaluate the most are the ones that I am not blown away by their talent.  I mean they are okay, they don’t suck, but they aren’t brilliant.  When a woman is really masterful at her craft, be it Lena Dunham, Adel, Brittany Howard, Meryl Streep, Toni Morrison, Janice Joplin, Virginia Wolf, Martha Graham… I don’t give a flying fuck in a rolling doughnut what they look like.  I will maybe rip apart Brittany Spears for her hair extensions showing and having a frozen grin plastered to her face, but that is because she is only mediocre at singing.

    So being excessively beautiful may stunt your growth as a human, artist, or thinker because people’s expectations of you will be lower.  You wont have to push yourself as hard.  Beauty can conceal your averageness.

    Supposedly I am not supposed to tell my daughter she is pretty all the time because that will infect her psyche and she will start to believe her beauty is tied with her self-worth.  No doubt.  This is true, and I down with this idea.  But I also don’t want her relying on her lovely face, and be unexceptional in the rest of her life, because it was too easy to invest more in her genetic disposition.  That sounds lame!  I would so much rather The Munch impress people with her endless genius than her tits or ass.  Of course I don’t want to give her a complex and never acknowledge her adorableness, but at the same time most insanely attractive people are also insanely boring.

     

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    March 18, 2013 • 2 years old, Mommy Body, Mommy Mind, Musings, Women's Business • Views: 761