personalities
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• New Year Same Old Me

  

  We have a cultural obsession with the concept of the New Year, yet what we are ultimately looking for is a new version of ourselves. This is all manifested in the enthusiastic display, but often empty realm of “resolutions.” The New Year holds such promise because it encapsulates the possibility that not only will the year be different, but so will you! In 2015 I eat will better, exercise more, work harder, be healthier, and finally stop eating my body hair!!!

  This marker in time is significant mostly because we feel like it is a chance to reboot our operating system, and become the 2.0 version of ourselves. Yet once February comes around, the complexity and complications of change overwhelm the fantasy. We start to lose hope that change is possible, and that disappointment festers and pools in the gutters of our consciousness.

  Yet here is the thing. We can’t think about becoming a “new and improved” shiny version of the self, because that implies that we aren’t already who we want to be. That person who you are striving to become, you already are… just not as often as you like.

  Change feels like such a daunting notion because of the assumption that you need to completely transform from one thing into another – like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. By the way… I have heard that when the caterpillar is in the chrysalis about to experience the metamorphosis, it actually thinks it is going to die. I have no idea how anyone would know that, because who knows what caterpillars think about, yet it is still an interesting idea okay! So much like our fellow worms, transmutation feels terrifying!

  The objective isn’t to suddenly grow wings out of your ribs and fly, but rather be the parts of yourself that you like – just more often. There are plenty of times that you are kind, sometimes eat broccoli, take the stairs, work with passion, don’t yell, demonstrate empathy, prioritize others… You already do all those things – just do them more. Be that person as much as you can, rather than the part of you that is lamebook.

  Here is a super old school pic of me on New Years Eve and I am WASTED!!
  PS my hair is special here
  PPS the Picture above is an even older picture of me wasted on NYE!
  

  January 1, 2015 • Current Events, Musings, Relationships • Views: 4504

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• Taking “No” For an Answer

  

  I do not take “no” for an answer. If I am trying to get a something done and people say “no” to me – I try a variety of different avenues. I keep insisting, literally and figuratively, until they say yes. It has been my common practice to push a “no” as much as I can until I get the answer I am looking for. GOOD THING I AM NOT A GUY!

  I think this tenacious way of being is rooted in the fact that once I set my mind to something, I want to see it through. When I have an idea, I believe in it fully and will pursue every angle possible to make my vision a reality – even if it is obtuse. If I took every “no” at face value, I wouldn’t be where I am today… alone, at my computer, wearing socks for gloves, and writing to you.

  There is also a cultural aspect at play. I have Hungarian blood, and they are very pushy people. The Hungarian way is to offer something 7 or 8 times before accepting a “no.” Even when I am trying to be polite, I will NEVER accept the first “no.” Let’s say if I offered you a piece of gum and you responded “no thank you.” I would then say “are you sure?” and you would be like, “yes I am,” then I would be all “not even to keep for later?” and then would be like “yeah I am fine,” and then I will be all “just take one for your pocket – you will want it at some point,” at which point you will acquiesce just so I stop asking. IT IS THE HUNGARIAN WAY!

  I have a very fluid understanding of what “no” means. I don’t think it is a definitive answer – I just think it means you have to work harder for a yes. HOLY CRAP I AM SO GLAD I AM A GIRL.

  Ready for the irony!!?? MY KID NEVER ACCEPTS NO FOR AN ANSWER EITHER!!? Of course I totally expect her to, and remain painful sour when she defies me. When you have a child, you want them to do everything you say not because it is best for the personality, but because it is easiest for you. The kid I want is not necessarily the adult I want Munch to be. I like the part of me that is persistent. I respect that quality in myself because it means I am dedicated. Yet it is driving me bat shit crazy in my kid.

  Ultimately, I don’t want my daughter to be a push over who fears challenging people. Those who avoid dissent end up being complicit to injustices they know may be wrong, but don’t know how to confront because they lack the confidence o stand up for what they believe in. I am not an advocate in ultimate authority. When you don’t question what you are told, you may easily become an unconscious follower – disconnected from your own value system.

  I think there is great danger in forcing people to do as they are told, which is articulated time and time again in a variety of arenas. Think of war torn areas where soldiers kill innocent civilians because of protocol. Or within the prison system where correctional officers all but torture inmates because they are following the status quo of prevailing dynamics. Obeying orders is not necessarily the right thing to do. People are easily corrupted by power, and one should never blindly trust commands.

  I want The Munch to mentally dissect what she is told, and make sure her actions are aligned with her moral compass… but when she is older. Can’t she just do every thing I fucking say for now?

  

  October 1, 2014 • 4 years old, Behavior, Disciplining, Family Drama, Mommyhood, Musings, Parenting, Relationships • Views: 3809

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